Any Way You Say It . . . I'm Still Overwhelmed

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There are lots of ways to say it, but I am just plain overwhelmed.  I am in that horrible place where there are so many things to do that I can't attack any of them.  I just close my eyes and run away and find myself doing things that aren't really helping to solve the problem.  Here I sit blogging, and yesterday I sat reading.  Although they are lovely activities, they aren't getting me out of this pile of responsibilities that is loading me down.

BUT . . . I think we have turned a corner.  Last night I had an activity with my wonderful activity day girls, but it just completely fell apart.  The girls were just bouncing off the walls.  I couldn't calm everyone down.  Katie was in tears.  It was definitely the least effective activity I have hosted since I accepted the calling to teach these young ladies.  As I sat there desperately trying to have an activity focused on the true meaning of Christmas and watched the girls literally doing cartwheels and making horribly inappropriate comments I could just feel my blood start to boil.  I stopped myself and took a gigantic cleansing breath and in that moment as the air entered my lungs and slowly exited I had a small little epiphany.  It was like the moment when a drug user hits rock bottom and realizes that something has to change if they want a productive and healthy life.  I wasn't that bad off, of course, but I saw that I needed to do something to get back on track.  I do really feel just like I do after I have had a baby, but I don't have the luxury of the fantastic nap schedule of a newborn where I can at least catch up a bit with what I need to do or maybe just catch a moment to breath.  I have a "newborn" who is really three or four and who gets into everything and requires constant attention.  I'm not complaining at all.  It has all been worth it, and Minsy is a joy, but I just have not been able to really catch up with life after returning from China almost a month ago.  As I sat there last evening on the verge of losing it, I think that I got the answer I needed to get things back on track.

I have been staying up late into the night to enjoy that bit of time when the kids (and sometimes Herman) are asleep.  I have always been a night owl, and I love the peace of the night when I can have a little bit of solid Me Time.  Well, last night I got the impression that I needed to switch things around and instead wake up earlier to have that same Me Time.  Laney and Savannah are waking up at 4:30 to get ready for seminary each morning, and I have been mostly sleeping in until later in the morning when the younger kids wake up to get ready for school.  I decided that I needed to change that and instead wake up when Savannah's alarm goes off.  That will give me a good amount of time to get myself together and ready for the day before everyone else is up and moving around.  This is going to take a bit of work to get me on a new sort of schedule, but I feel like this is what I need to get myself back on track.

So today begins a new day.  It is December 14th.  I haven't done any Christmas shopping.  I haven't sent out Christmas cards.  My bathroom could be an excellent testing ground for students in infectious disease classes.  My dining room floor is covered in smashed Christmas candy.  The basement is looking like a blast zone.  And I can't even begin to talk about the mail and bills that I have put off for too long.  But today begins a new chapter in my post-Minsy adoption life.  I'm getting back on the FlyLady bandwagon, and I'm tackling this mess.  Fingers crossed!

Dawning of a New Melissa Day
Can You Feel the Magic?