You Know Me So Well

Twenty years. That's such a long time ... and it isn't. Yesterday Herman and I celebrated twenty years of marriage together, and it seems like just yesterday that we began our adventures together. 

I could make this a sappy sweet sugar fest of gooey statements about all the things I love about Herman. I could. But I don't think I will. I think, instead, that I will just say what we did to celebrate our 20th anniversary and what that says about who we are and how we work together as a couple. Get ready to be dazzled. We planned an extravaganza.

Or not.

We had been thinking of what to do for this anniversary for awhile. After all, it's a big number. Twenty years is sort of a big deal, isn't it? Well, it seemed like it deserved more than a Happy Anniversary kiss and a celebratory muffin. So I thought that we might plan something a little more extravagant. But then we signed up to take the family to Philmont at the beginning of the month. (See my previous seven posts). That took a chunk of time out of the month, and we really didn't feel like planning another big trip after only returning from the last one. So I knew that we would plan something a little more scaled down. The question was, what?

We really had no idea. Even yesterday as we woke up we didn't know what we would do. We just knew that we were leaving our capable children to man the fort here as we headed off into the sunset for an anniversary adventure. And that showcased one interesting side of our relationship. For the most part we don't do detailed plans. I am a planner. I love to create elaborate plans for the things we can do on our vacations, plotting out the day's events very deliberately. Herman is not really a vacation planner. He would rather just see how things go. For most of our married life I have made plans and been very happy to do so, and then when we leave on our vacations we generally scrap those plans and fly by the seat of our pants. There might be some planners out there who would  be irritated to be married to a total non-planner, but I have always loved our spontaneity on trips. I get all the joy of planning things, and that keeps me calm before we leave, but then I also get to enjoy all the amazing experiences we have while improvising on the trip. Best of both worlds.

All we knew when we left was that we were headed to St. Louis. Not very exotic, I know. But we were going to get a hotel and have a day away from home just to focus on each other, so it was still going to be a huge treat. The only question was what to do when we got there. The Cardinals were playing a game that night, and I thought that that would be a great thing to do since we went to watch the Cardinals play in Denver on the day we got married. But that never really panned out. 

We decided instead to head to the zoo. Hanging out at the zoo is not all that spectacular. We are Friends of the Zoo in St. Louis, and we go there fairly often, but we haven't ever gone there by ourselves. We have always had our kids with us and were driven to see the things that they would enjoy the most.  Hanging out at the zoo without kids is a totally different experience. Totally different. 

Herman and I looked at a few of the animals. It had been awhile since Herman had been at the zoo, so he hadn't seen the uber-cool underwater viewing of the sea lions. So awesome! We walked there and then headed over to see my favorite exhibit at the zoo, the chimpanzees. The zoo was crazy crowded because the weather was amazing. Low 80s in July. You can't ask for better weather. As we walked I could see another thing that kind of defines our relationship. Herman likes to humor me. I can get really excited about things sometimes, especially at the zoo. Herman doesn't always share that same enthusiasm. But he has become a master at making me feel like he is right there with me in love for whatever thing I am getting excited over. I never feel like he is being condescending. But I do feel like he is trying his best to stay along for whatever ride I am dragging him toward.

Well, after a little bit of time walking around, basically aimlessly, we decided to sit down on a bench outside one of the bear exhibits and just talk. We talked and talked and talked. We talked about all of the many blessings that have come into our lives in the last twenty years. We talked about our wonderful children. We talked about our hopes and dreams for the future. We talked about our differences and our similarities. We talked about the amazing number of zoo patrons who color their hair. We talked about everything. That is another wonderful thing about our relationship. We are best friends and never lack things that we can talk about. We have fairly different political views and differ in many of our opinions, but no matter what the topic, we generally can find a lively conversation. Marriage is wonderful when you are married to someone so easy to talk to. 

While we were talking Herman told me that he really wanted to be with me in the temple today on our anniversary. So we decided to get some dinner and then head to the temple. For dinner I thought that we needed to go somewhere special, but it is overwhelming to have to decide on a place to eat in a city the size of St. Louis. We had no idea where we wanted to eat. We finally decided to head to the mall that is near the temple and see what was available. We didn't get any big feelings about where to go, so we finally settled on Romano's Macaroni Grill, basically an Olive Garden wanna be. And I ate a dish that may have been baked in five cups of butter. Was it delicious? Yes. But I felt pretty guilty eating something that seemed so unhealthy. Oh well. It's out anniversary. Everything is healthy on our anniversary.

After dinner we headed over to the temple. There weren't a lot of people there. It always makes me a little sad when it is so slow at the temple, but it is also sweet to see how excited they are to see us when we arrive. We learned some inside info about some changes that are coming, which was super neat, and that made this session even more meaningful for me as I attended with Herman. As I sat in the temple I was able to think about how blessed I feel in my life. I am super glad that somehow I was led to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I can't imagine what my life would look like without it. And I am so grateful for Herman in my life. He is always exactly who I need. Always.

While we sat in the temple we talked about how we wanted the next twenty years to be. We talked about our children and our hopes and dreams for them. We got some specific impressions about things we could change or improve to better help them prepare for whatever the future brings. It was such a wonderful way to end the evening for our anniversary. I couldn't imagine a better place to be. So peaceful and so beautiful. 

And that is another thing that defines our relationship. We love this gospel. We try to do our best to dedicate our lives to doing whatever it is that Heavenly Father wishes for us. We don't always succeed, but we try to push forward, improving a little each day. I am so grateful to be married to a man who loves the Lord more than he loves me, but because he loves the Lord so much, it automatically makes it so that he treats me with ultimate kindness and goodness. I couldn't ask for a better and more compatible spouse. He knows me so well that he can anticipate my reaction in almost every situation. He can read every nuance of expression that crosses my face. He can see me in my weakest state and love me enough to lift me up to be who I am meant to be. He is my rock. I am eternally grateful for him.

We began our lives together twenty years ago in a temple in Denver Colorado. We ended our evening twenty years later in a temple in St. Louis Missouri. So much has changed in the twenty years in between. We have both grown wiser and more patient. What we thought was love all those years ago has blossomed into a depth of feeling that is indescribable. In those years we have welcomed seven amazing and pure spirits into our home, and together we have learned oh so much. I cannot wait to see where we will be in twenty more years. If if is anything like the last twenty years, it will fly by faster than I could ever imagine. Here's to another twenty years with my ever growing and always amazing family!

July 24, 1993
Denver Colorado Temple

Twenty years (and seven kids) later!
July 2013
Denver Colorado Temple

One More Philmont Experience

This is the last of seven posts about our Philmont trip at the beginning of July. They will be most enjoyable if you read from the beginning instead of reading them in reverse order. You can do this by looking on the right hand side of this blog and scrolling down until you see the Blog Archive. Click on July 2013, and you'll see all the posts listed by day. Choose the day you want to read and enjoy!

Like I had every day this week, today I woke up super early before the sun rose. Herman and I sat outside our tent to talk and watch the scenery as the sun rose in the sky. I really love that. I should really take time to do that more often when I am at home. There is something completely peaceful about those moments before so many others wake, when you can just relax and think.

Herman wanted to take some time this morning to have a little testimony meeting for our family so that we could take time to share our feelings and experiences of this week. We originally wanted to do this at sunrise, but with all of the activity of the past day, we decided to let everyone relax. Instead we decided to have our meeting after we were packed up and ready to go. By the time we were packed, many families had already left. Philmont seemed a lot more bare. I was beginning to get some feelings of sadness for leaving. There is something so calming about being out here in the west, away from a lot of civilization. It almost makes me want to move. Almost.

Brief side note about my ankles -- They looked awful. Totally awful. I'm not sure what I did yesterday, but I woke up with ankles that looked worse than when I went to sleep. They were the size of nerf footballs. And they only got worse as the day progressed and we drove home. I looked up possible causes, and well ... I should never do that. It always freaks me out. We decided to just get through the day and worry about the swelling if it didn't go down after we had been home a few days. Unfortunately I felt like I was wearing some sort of compression device the whole trip home. No fun.

After mostly loading our vehicles we headed to the amphitheater area to have our family meeting. Herman decided to have each of us bear our testimony, youngest to oldest. The younger kids did their standard testimonies, touching on the things they believe are true about the Church. I was excited to hear what Spencer had to say after his eventful week, but his testimony was fairly standard as well. I was a little disappointed, but I know that it was possible that he just didn't want to share his deeper feelings in this environment. You never know.

Laney and Savannah both gave nice testimonies. Then it was my turn. Once again, I felt like I was not able to adequately say exactly how much this week meant for me. I felt as if I had received lots of direct revelation this week. I felt like I received further witness that Heavenly Father truly knows who I am and has an active interest in the decisions I make. I felt like my life was almost rebooted and renewed. It was wonderful. Yet I know that the things I shared with my family just didn't live up those feelings and experiences. Sometimes I feel like I am on and can express anything I am feeling. Sometimes I am off, and this seemed to be one of those times.

Then it was Herman's turn. He, of course, was absolutely eloquent as he shared some of his more personal moments from the week. He told the kids what Heavenly Father had asked of him this week. He explained how he was going to try hard to do this. He cried as he shared his feelings about this week. It was really beautiful. I'm glad that he was able to finish us out.

Until ...

Spencer interrupted by saying, "I have something to share." I didn't know what to expect. Sometimes Spencer has to make a goofy comment whenever something emotional is happening. I think that he does this because weepy feelings make him uncomfortable. But this seemed different, so Herman turned the time over to him, and he shared an experience he had on the mountain. On the first day that the groups really hiked a long distance they had been hiking for a long time when that huge storm I blogged about on Monday popped up. On the mountain there was a lot of lightning, and when you are hiking and lightning strikes you are supposed to get in this lightning stance. It involves crouching low to the ground and making yourself as tiny as possible, but it seemed as if they weren't really allowed to kneel or sit. They had to squat. Apparently they had to keep that position for more than 45 minutes. Give that a try one of these days. It is no picnic. I can't imagine how they were able to do it.

Well, in the middle of this Spencer decided that he really didn't want to be on this mountain, and he really wanted to go home. He was hating this experience, and he was especially hating this experience while it was pouring rain with lightning everywhere. He told us that he decided to say a prayer, and he asked Heavenly Father if He could please, please, please make the storm end. And ...

The storm did not end!

Now this could have been a bit of a crisis in faith for Spencer, but he told us that as he was squatting there he could tell that Heavenly Father had helped him to have the strength to stay in the position he needed to be in while carrying his pack. The storm did not leave, but Spencer had the strength to endure through the storm.

As Spencer shared this story my heart was filled to overflowing. What a wonderful, wonderful experience for him to have. And what wonderful knowledge for him to have about the way that Heavenly Father operates. He doesn't always take away the storms that we face in our life, but He can help us to be strong enough to endure them. That is knowledge that very few youth have. I would even say that very few adults have that knowledge. Unfortunately, in order to get that sort of testimony you have to sometimes be in the middle of difficult circumstances. Hearing Spencer's experience and the lesson he learned from it reinforced the lessons that I learned this week about different areas in my life. I learned that it is important for the youth (and for me) to have experiences that might push me outside my comfort zone because it is in those experiences that we can best be able to recognize the hand of God in our life. It is in those experiences that we can truly begin to recognize our own abilities and self-worth. Spencer was able to show that through his wonderful mountaintop experience. I am so, so grateful that he was able to have such a wonderful, enlightening experience, even though I am sad that he was so miserable for that moment in time. Good news though -- He did end up liking the hike a lot. He is planning to plan a big hike experience for the scouts in Missouri, and he also is thinking about coming back to Philmont next year to participate in the Rayado hike, a 21-day wilderness experience that sounds INSANE. I think that Spencer having that experience was worth whatever cost it took to come to Philmont this year. What a blessing!

So our week of adventures at Philmont came to a close and our family headed to the cars to make the 13 hour trip home. I started to get a bit emotional as I walked away from our little tent city. I was going to be sad to leave our little paradise in the middle of New Mexico. It has been such a good week for me personally and for our family as well. Hopefully as we return home and get back into the flow of regular life we will be able to implement many of the ideas we learned here. I'm on fire and ready to get started. Let's roll.

Our Philmont Scouting Adventure -- Day Six

Atop Lovers Leap

Lots of pictures today too!

Today began super early. I wanted to do this earlier in the week, but because of scheduling issues I didn't think I could do it any day but today. It may end up killing me in the end. Every day they offered a chance to hike to Lovers Leap outcropping and view the sunrise. Because it was an early morning hike I had the opportunity to hike with Herman since it wouldn't conflict with any of his classes. I'm not totally sure that Herman really wanted to do this, but he loves me lots, so he agreed to wake up before the crack of dawn to make this hike with me.

The hike began at 4:15, so we set our alarm for a little before 4 am, woke up and got dressed quickly, and headed to the spot where we would meet the other insane people who wanted to make this hike. There were about six or seven other couples ready to go. We had to drive to the trailhead, which was a little ways from our camp. We drove with a couple from Idaho Falls. They were super nice, and it was interesting to see how different their experiences are living in an area where the Church is so prevalent. Some things seemed easier and some things seemed harder. I think I'm okay living where we do.

Once we got to our trail beginning we began our hike. It was still pretty dark outside, so we were having to trust our guide a lot to make sure we stayed on the path. It was a pretty easy hike, only a little less than a mile to get to our spot, but it was rocky, and I was constantly tripping over my feet and twisting my ankles. Added to that was the altitude issues that kept me breathing a lot heavier than I would have if I had done the exact same hike in Missouri. But overall it was a nice and easy hike.

We got to Lovers Leap and found that it was an outcropping overlooking a gorgeous valley. It was beginning to lighten up by the time we reached the top. I was glad for that because the precipice was not for the faint of heart. Herman chuckled at me because there was a point when the path diverged into two options. The guide let us know that one way would be better for those who are afraid of heights, but everyone headed down the path that looked a little more treacherous. I stopped for a second, but decided to just follow the crowd and take the more scary route. If you want to see what this reveals about my personality, just reference my discovery about myself during the COPE challenge yesterday by clicking HERE. I'm a follower. But as we headed further on the path the guy in front of me starting sliding a lot on the rocks. That's when I called it good. I planted myself on a sweet rock with a great view. It wasn't all the way to the edge, but it was good enough for me.

These are the brave hikers who went all the way to the edge.

Lovers Leap. There is a group of scouters
who are sitting right on the edge. Scary.

The view was absolutely spectacular. It was well worth the early morning wake up in order to see it. Pictures just don't do it justice. We were able to have a little trail meal as we watched the beautiful sunrise, and then we headed back, arriving in time to take our kids to breakfast. I didn't have any problem at all with the hike, so I felt confident that I could go ahead and go on the more challenging Cathedral Rock hike later in the morning.

In front of the Tooth of Time on our way back to camp.

We got home in time to take the four kids to breakfast. While we were eating we decided that JoJo should get an opportunity to do the flag ceremony like Hyrum did yesterday. Today they said that any boys who did not have the opportunity to participate in one of the earlier ceremonies could do the ceremony today. JoJo was not so sure that he wanted to do it. After all, he won't become a Cub Scout until December. He's never participated in a flag ceremony before. This seemed like a pretty public thing to have to do for your first time. But Herman said that he would go with him and stand by as they practiced. This made JoJo feel better, so he agreed to try. We took the badges holder off of Hyrum's uniform and let JoJo wear it. It was so cute.

There were not a lot of boys this morning, so JoJo had to play an even bigger role than Hyrum, but he did a great job. There was always someone to help along the way. So sweet to watch!

Practicing 'at ease.'

He used the wrong hand, but it was sweet to see him
show his respect by saluting the flag.

After the flag ceremony my new adventure for the day began. I wanted to do the Cathedral Rock hike on Monday, but it ended up needing to be today if I was going to go. It wouldn't have been a big deal except for the fact that I had already done the sunrise hike. I wasn't sure if I could do two hikes in one day, but after the ease of the morning hike I felt like I was up to it.

The Cathedral Rock hike was labeled as something with moderate difficulty. I wasn't quite sure what that meant, but when I arrived at the meeting spot it looked like there were a lot of older ladies there. None of them looked particularly athletic, so I was sure that I could keep up at least. I know. That totally makes me judgmental, doesn't it? I guess it's a weakness in me when it comes to athletic events. 

We took a bus to the hike trailhead and quickly got on our way. We had to complete the 3.5 mile hike in two hours so that we could get back in time to pick our kids up from their activities. But it was just 3.5 miles. Surely we could do 3.5 miles in less than an hour, right? It seemed like it wouldn't be that big of a deal. And then we began. Oh man! It was harder than it seemed. It wasn't a killer hike. Really, it wasn't. But it was harder than it looked. First of all, I wasn't totally acclimated to the altitude, so it taxed my body a bit more than I was used to. The trail itself was cleared, but it was rocky, so the steps were uneven. I had to spend a lot of time balancing my body so that I didn't wipe out or twist my ankle. Even with the extra care I took, I felt like my ankles were twisting all over the place. I was feeling muscles in my legs I never knew existed before. It was a pretty intense workout for my legs. Then to top things off, our guide was power walking the entire time. At times it was like he forgot that there were a bunch of old ladies with him. But we powered on at a brisk pace. If one thing was true it was this ... We were not a bunch of complainers. We just kept walking with smiles on our faces.

The view when we arrived at Cathedral Rock was absolutely gorgeous. I've used that description before in this post, haven't I? But it was true. Very beautiful scenery. 

In front of Cathedral Rock.

The beautiful view.

I wished that I was able to be with my family while I was there. It was nice to be with all the other ladies, but I they were all basically strangers to me, and this seemed like a moment that needed to be shared with a friend or family member. Or alone. I really, really would have liked the chance to walk the trail and then to sit on my own and think for awhile. As it was, it was still really nice. I'm glad I came. I wasn't too worn out, and I knew I would be able to make the hike back to the trailhead. Somehow at the end of the hike I became the hike guide and leader. How did that happen? I had no idea where I was going. Our guide ran ahead to make sure that the bus was there for us. I guess he assumed that we could figure things out. There were a couple of tricky spots, but we eventually got where we needed to be. Thank goodness! My biggest fear was that I would wimp out halfway through the hike. I made it. Hooray!

We had one more activity to finish our Philmont experience. After dropping the kids off for their last activity Herman and I headed to one of the classroom buildings for a testimony. Obviously a testimony meeting with a group as large as ours would have taken forever, so they divided us into smaller mini groups. We were divided according to the name of our stake, so we were with a few couples from St. Louis and Spokane, Washington, and  ... somewhere else with an S name. I forget. There were about twenty of us in the group, and we were headed by Sister Stevens and her husband. They just had us go around the circle and share our thoughts. In situations like this I ALWAYS want to be at the beginning. I don't have to be first, but I want to be in the first half. When I am at the end I spend too much time fretting about what I want to say, and I worry that I won't have anything more original to say after everyone else in the room says what they want to say. Where was I in the order? Third to last!!! Ugh! I was followed by Sister Stevens's daughter and Sister Stevens. I was pretty nervous by the time it was my turn, but I survived. I feel way more comfortable sharing my thoughts with those I am more familiar with, but I did okay. I feel like I have had so many amazing experiences this week, but they are pretty close to my heart, and I just couldn't share them in a setting like this. Still, it was nice to hear how others experienced Philmont. There were even a few who seemed to have situations similar to mine.

Following the testimony meeting there was a final adult meeting with President Beck. It was a little graduation ceremony for the men who had received their training for the week. There was a little recap of the week's topics and then each man was called to the front to shake hands, receive a certificate, and then (BONUS!) a sweet little carved bolo from Bro. Doller. Very sweet! I should have taken a picture of this ceremony, but I left my camera in the tent. Oh well!

Once the graduation ceremony was complete, we gathered up the kids and headed to the pavilion so that we could make a Welcome Home banner for Laney, Savannah, and Spencer. They finally return to camp today. Hooray! We just grabbed a  huge sheet of paper and started drawing. I have to admit, at these moments when we have to create great big banners I can totally see my lack of great cheerleading skills. Cheerleaders -- at least the ones from my high school -- can create such amazing banners for game day. Their lettering always seemed super cute and super straight. There actually is a lot of talent to that ... talent that I do not possess. But I gave it my best shot. After all, it wasn't going to be something that lasted long. Our plan was to have the kids run through it when they arrived. Still, I admit that I had a little bit of banner lettering envy as we created this thing.

Working on the banner.

Minsy's contribution. So cute!

The finished product.

After a little bit of free time it was time to welcome the wilderness hikers back to camp. There were about fifty youth, and they came marching up the main road into camp. It was super exciting to see them after their difficult week coming from the distance. We stayed toward the end of the line, so we weren't able to see our kids for a long time. Finally we saw Laney and Savannah walking with their team.

These gif files are kind of freaky, but I think they are fun to watch.

Eventually we saw Spencer. He stayed a lot more stoic than the girls, but I could tell that he was happy to be home with us.

Really. He's happy.

Spencer and his RM guide Ian. Herman tried to set him
up with Laney, but Laney said that he was WAY too old.
24 -- yikes! So old.

There was a lot of chaos as kids found their families. Then there was lots of hugs and congratulations as team members said a temporary goodbye to their guides. Finally we were able to get back to the tents to debrief the kids and see how their week had gone. I won't spend any time here recounting what they did during the week. Laney actually wrote a great blog post about it on her blog. You can read it by clicking HERE. Very awesome! Unfortunately Spencer doesn't keep a blog, so we don't have a good account of what his group went through, but he did have a great experience that I will share in my next post. Overall it sounded as if it was an extremely challenging week for the kids, but it was also a week full of choice experiences that strengthened them. Hooray for that!

My three brave hikers! I am so proud of what they accomplished this week!

Poor Savannah go horrific blisters on her feet. Savannah! She was the one kid who spent the past month wearing her hiking boots everywhere so that they would be worn in and comfortable for the hike. Laney picked up her shoes the weekend before we left, and Spencer barely wore his. Yet it was Savannah who suffered the worst blisters. 

Savannah removing all of her foot bandages.

It looks like she has the plague.

After a week without showers they reeked. So, so bad. It was awful. I'm not sure if that odor can even be removed from clothing. Have you ever gotten close enough to smell a racoon? It was kind of like that. Maybe worse. So they headed off to take showers as the rest of us headed to dinner. 

After we had eaten and the older kids had showered we headed to the outdoor amphitheater for the closing extravaganza. Each group did a little skit, from the little Small Fry group that Minsy was in to the priesthood leaders and the ladies. Everything was pretty cute, and even better ... the skits were short. Yea for that! I really liked seeing Spencer singing with Herman in the priesthood group. That was pretty powerful.

This was only the corner of the group, but I wanted to make sure and show
Herman and Spencer a little closer.

After the ceremony the youth had a dance. Before Philmont began, Laney and Savannah seemed to feel like they would have no desire to go to a dance after a fifty mile hike. Even though they were dog tired tonight, magically their reluctance to dance went away. My three youth headed to the assembly hall for the dance, and the rest of us began the crazy task of packing for our trip home. I actually enjoy packing, so I didn't mind so much, but Herman and I took a break after an hour so that we could head to the dance and see how everyone was doing.

When we got there I was absolutely floored by what I saw. My three children with their super sore feet, along with what looked like a hundred other youth were dancing like crazy. You would have never guessed that half of these kids had just arrived back from a fifty mile hike in the mountains. They had an incredible amount of energy. It was amazing to watch.

I love to watch my kids dance. We have one rule for our kids at youth dances: The Blau kids always dance. Always. They have always participated fully in these dances. No hanging out on the sidelines for these kids. And they always have so much fun as they dance. It is mesmerizing to see them. They make me smile. 

This dance was unusual for most dances because there were almost twice as many guys as girls. It was different than what normally happens. It was nice to see every girl get to dance for once.

Lots of boys.

Laney did something in this dance that really impressed/scared me. When they got back from the hike she explained that there was one young man on the hike who she thought was super nice, super righteous, super resilient, and super cute. He is getting ready to head for a mission in Mexico in a month. I asked her if she got his contact information, and she explained that she was waiting until the dance to swoop in.

And she did!

It was crazy to watch, but she got this sweet young man to dance with her or near her for a good portion of the dance. How does she do that? I was never quite so confident at her age. But she was able to look at a group, choose which young man met her standards, and then get him to want to spend the dance in her area. Watch out BYU-Idaho. That seems like a dangerous/impressive ability in a young woman. It was no big deal. It isn't like they ended the day as a couple or with any lifelong plans for each other. But Laney was able to have a great time for the night.

Savannah always manages to find
partners who are a lot taller than her.

Not to leave Spencer and Savannah out ... they also had a great time dancing. Savannah gets extra kudos for jumping all around while her feet were covered in blisters. And Spencer should also get a few props for managing to dance every dance at a dance where girl partners were scarce. He explained that the key was to jump in and ask girls to dance quickly. You hesitate, you lose.

We left our sweet dancers to their fun and headed back to prepare for one last night in our little tents. It has been such a great week. It's hard to believe it is time to leave already.

One little bit of craziness to relate -- When I took off my capris tonight in order to get into my sleep pants, I noticed that my lower legs were totally swollen. They were so swollen that my legs seemed normal to where my capri hems had been, then the leg puffed up like a balloon. It totally freaked me out, but I figured that I would keep them elevated tonight and hopefully not have problems tomorrow. More on that for tomorrow's post. It isn't going to be pretty.

Our Philmont Scouting Adventure -- Day Five

Lots of pictures for this post!

If I had to use a word to describe this Philmont day, I would have to say that it was 'transformative.' Herman sort of made fun of me for saying it so much today, but it was true ... today was a transformative day for me. I felt so much inspiration and understanding for things that I needed to do in my life. It was spectacular. But before I get to that ...

Today the Cub Scouts got to perform the morning flag ceremony. It was super sweet to see all these young boys in their uniforms performing their duties so solemnly. It is the first time that many of them have ever done an actual raising of a flag. I know that in our Cub Scout pack they just have a flag on a pole that they present. So this was a learning experience for Hyrum. It was neat to see Hyrum get a high five from the young men's general president and a thank you from the primary general presidency. I could see on the faces of the boys that they felt honored to be able to take part in a ceremony like this for the whole camp.

Hyrum's group is presenting the Boy Scout flag.
There were four flags displayed with the American flag.

Hyrum showing his respect. Love this!

Hyrum getting his celebratory high five.

I really like this picture.

Daddy and Hyrum in uniform.

After the flag ceremony everyone headed off to their classes like yesterday. This time I signed up to do what is called a COPE class. COPE stands for Challenging Outdoor Personal Experience, and it sounded like it was going to be a set of easy to moderate challenges like a ropes course that is meant to build unity and teamwork in a group. I was pretty excited for this. This was the less vigorous of the two challenges offered, but the harder one was already full, so I figured this would be okay. We had to take a bus to get to our challenge area at the base of one of the mountain areas ... very pretty. We had two Philmont workers who were leading our group of about ten women. They gave us the choice of whether we wanted to do the ropes course or stay on the ground and do ground oriented games that we could use back at home. I wanted to do the ropes course, but I think I may have been the only one. Everyone else was interested in doing things that they could use at Girls Camp, so that is what we did. It was fine, and I actually had a ton of fun doing these games. But while we were there we saw a group of scouts doing the high ropes course and it looked so FUN. I wish I could do something like that before my body gets too much older. 

We did several fun games together that really helped us unify as a group. But I have to say, this activity put a spotlight for me on aspects of my personality that ... I don't know, maybe things about myself that disappoint me sometimes. I felt a lot like I did whenever I did summer camps growing up ... on the outside. I just did not feel comfortable in my own skin. I am able to mask this a bit when I am around people who I have known for awhile or when I feel comfortable in a situation, but in a situation like this where I am thrown into a group of ladies who I have never met before I want to just curl up and disappear. It's frustrating to me. I definitely am not a leader naturally. If you give me the podium I'll take it and do my best, but when the leader spot is up for grabs I'm out of there. But I don't really feel weak or anything like that. I just don't want to rock any boats, so I keep quiet, content to live with whatever the group decision might be. Thank goodness I generally have been surrounded by good people. I worry where I might have turned out if I was around bozos all my life, knowing that this is how I react in groups. I get in these groups and it looks like everyone else is immediately best friends, but I feel as if no one will remember me in an hour. I don't really think that this is the case, but it is more a result of my own insecurities. So anyway, doing these activities seemed to spotlight that for me, so I spent a lot of time in introspection. Actually, that is sort of the point of the activities we did. We are supposed to recognize our strengths and our weaknesses and then realize that we are able to accomplish extremely difficult tasks as a group despite those or because of them. So I guess the activity worked. The nice thing about this group was that everyone was super, duper nice and supportive. It makes it much easier to team build when you are working with a generally kind and considerate group.

One of our activities was having to lower this hula hoop.
It was a lot harder than it looks.

But we did it!

After lunch I headed to a women's meeting headed by the YM general president, David Beck and his wife, Robyn. I didn't quite know what to expect in it, but it isn't often that you get the chance to listen to a general president, so I made sure to be there. It was AWESOME! Absolutely awesome! And the strange thing was that it wasn't overtly spiritual. It wasn't the same sort of atmosphere you would feel at a fireside or a conference or an Time Out for Women event. It was casual in so many ways, but I was blown away by some of the insight I was receiving. I put this status on facebook, and it is true: I felt like I had woken up as one person that day and by the end of this meeting I felt like I was another. I felt as if the things I thought during this meeting were life changing, the sorts of ideas that, if I put them into practice, would be transformative for me and for my family and even for those who I work with in my callings at church. I felt as if I had received direct revelation from Heavenly Father during this meeting. It was fabulous! 

The topic of the meeting was "Strengthening the Aaronic Priesthood." It was all about helping our young men to be strong and ready for whatever came at them in the future. They spoke about their hopes for the young men of the Church and the need to be determined and focused in our work and planning. President Beck spoke about the great responsibilities that our young men have and how much responsibility they will have in the VERY near future. He spoke about how these young men need to be able to listen to the Spirit and receive their own personal revelation. The entire meeting was focused on those ideas, and I found myself getting tidbit after tidbit after tidbit of ideas that I needed to implement in my own life. Some of them were directly in response to comments that were made, but others came out of left field. Even with those ideas that were not exactly on topic with the discussion, they seemed to flow perfectly in my head, making me understand EXACTLY what the Lord needed me to understand. I felt like I was getting last minute instructions before heading on a difficult mission ... things that I could do to help me complete the mission I had been given. It was ... I've got to say it again ... It was transformative. I found myself in tears, which was a bit embarrassing since at the moment the tears started flowing, there was not much to explain them. I just felt like I had a duty to perform, and now I had all of the tools I needed. It was time to get to work. 

Side note ... My favorite David Beck quote from the meeting: "This is a NO GUILT zone." It was perfect since it is so easy to feel guilty when we are talking about things we should do as parents. But instead of guilt, what he wanted us to focus on was determination and hope. It does no good to focus on our failings. We instead need to focus on our possibilities and work for those. Loved that!

Tonight we had our Western night. I think these are big deals in the West based on the enthusiasm some of the participants had for this. Okay, I guess that would make sense, right? Western nights are popular in the West. But our family isn't very country western, so we didn't know what to think. The whole night began with a primary parade. All of the kids were supposed to come with costumes to wear. Just like the banner experience on Sunday/Monday, I was already starting to feel angst about this. You should have seen some of the costumes that were created for this event. Absolutely amazing! They were so creative. My kids can tell you that I am a horrible Halloween mom. I do a terrible job with costumes every single year. It always freaks me out. So this little parade was not giving me warm fuzzies. I was relieved when Katie said, "Why don't we just pretend that we didn't know about it and skip it?" Hallelujah! That was exactly what I wanted to do. But right before the parade was to begin Herman came back to camp and told us that we really should have the kids walk in the parade. He said that there were lots of kids that were not very dressed up, so ours wouldn't feel out of place. And he explained that they needed to be there for this experience.

So we went.

And it was so much fun! It was adorable to see the kids marching around our common area, and I think that Hyrum, JoJo, and Minsy really enjoyed it. Minsy is such a celebrity in this camp. She's the only Asian girl here, and she is just so tiny that everywhere she goes she has people fawning over her. And everyone knows her name. It might have something to do with the fact that all week she has felt comfortable enough with the group that she would just walk to tents and adopt new families for a few minutes every once in awhile. I'm glad that this was the camp it was. We'll have to let her know that this isn't a good policy in most campgrounds. But anyway, it was cute to see all the participants stopping to take her picture as she waved her flag and was flanked by her Western bandit brothers. 

The Primary Parade.

The counselors in the Primary general presidency.

David and Robyn Beck 

My little wrangler Hyrum!

Enjoying some birthday cake the western way ... no fork.

After the parade we had a big barbecue with a cake celebrating the Church's 100th year of participation in scouting. There was a movie and activities all over the area, but I decided to take the kids to the Western dance in the assembly hall. Oh man, was that fun! I love to dance. It wears me out a lot more than it used to, but I love to dance. Normally the dances we have are catered to the youth between the ages of 14 and 18, but this was a family dance. The Philmont staff taught us lots and lots of dances to do, and the kids had so much fun. It was neat to see them so intent as they learned the new steps. What a fun evening!

Katie learning to line dance.

A great partner!

Minsy dancing with her new bff, Eliza!

JoJo looks in heaven here.

Because sometimes he ended up with a partner a little taller than him!

Hyrum and me learning "The Chicken."
Goodness, I always look so serious when I dance.

And Minsy is out for the night!

While we were dancing, Herman was learning how to whittle from a man who carves these super cute bolo ties that look like faces. 

Like this one!

Isn't that adorable? Well, Herman got to learn how to make something like it, and it took a lot of the evening. His actually turned out sort of cute. Someday I'm going to have them make a replica of Herman so I can wear it during Western nights. Or is that too weird?

The beginnings of Herman's carved bolo masterpiece.

Some examples of Brother Doller's cute bolos.

Brother Doller showing Herman the basics.

Sister Doller helping Herman paint some detail on the finished product.

Herman finishing his creation while
JoJo looks on.

Overall it was an exhausting day, but so fun. Yet again, I have had an experience that let me know how important it is for me to be in the right place with the right spirit so that I am prepared to receive the revelation I am meant to have in this life. I know that Heavenly Father KNOWS me and LOVES me, and knowing that is worth everything to me.

Tomorrow ... we get all of our kids back. Yay!!