Missionary Mom Madness

The picture above is not a package I put together ... not even close. This is one of the many pictures that pops up on pinterest if you search for LDS missionary care packages. In fact, I would say that this is not even that bad of an example of the type of packages that some Mormon moms out there are sending to their missionaries. Just take a look when you get the chance and you will see a smorgasbord of creative ideas for ways to wow your missionary with your gift sending skills.

They drive me CRAZY.

So. So. Crazy.

I get the motivation to want your child to feel your love. Because LDS missionaries don't call home regularly (only on Christmas and Mother's Day), we don't get to have that constant communication that we crave. We know that our young men and women are out serving the Lord, and often that service is HARD. We know that our sons and daughters get tired and lonely and discouraged. We want to bring them a touch of joy. I totally get that.

Bur, really, why do we feel this need to be so over the top with our packages? Why? Who are we trying to impress here? I'd guess, based on my limited pinterest research, that a lot of these moms put these packages together because they are either trying to impress the other missionary moms out there or because they are worried that if they just send their child a bunch of goodies in a plain brown cardboard box without fancy wrapping paper or cute little sayings or something like that, then our poor children are going to be laughed out of the mission office by all the other missionaries who see just how lame we are as moms. Will our child really know that we love them if he doesn't get the same level of creativity thrown into his package as his companion gets?

I love to look online to get ideas because sometimes it's hard to know exactly what to get them. I do want to be a little creative in what I send because I want to bring some extra joy and fun to my missionary. But I still want it to be clear that I put the package together, and if Spencer opened a box with some of these forms of mom madness stuck together I'm sure he would wonder who had sent him that package and what they had done with his real mother.

Today I sent Spencer a package to Poland. I figure it will get there right around the half-way point in his mission. Actually it won't quite be half-way because the missionaries in Poland actually stay 25 months for some reason, so he'll have a bit longer of a mission than normal, but still, it'll be after his one year mark. Like I did with his sisters, Laney and Savannah, I included a stuffed camel doll for him to half in honor of that milestone. But other than that, his package was full of a bunch of fairly average things. There isn't a lot of fanciness included in the box, but I hope he'll feel the love involved in the sending of it.

I was a lot better sending packages to Laney and Savannah. I made an effort to try and send Laney something once a month. It was a little expensive to send things to Chile, but not too terrible. I did a pretty good job. It was a piece of cake to send things to Savannah because she was in the United States. Hallelujah! It didn't cost too much, and I could always track the packages to make sure they got there. The biggest fear I had with her packages was that someone would grab them off the porch while she was away from home. Luckily, that never happened.

With Spencer, things have been A LOT more complicated. I think that customs stuff in Europe is more rigorous than they were in Chile, and that has been a pain for me. I sent him a small package early in his time in Poland. I sent it through the US postal system. It got there just fine, but I couldn't track the package, and it cost a fortune to send it. The real problems began when I sent him his Christmas package. This time I used a service called ParcelMonkey that was way cheaper than the post office. They put together bulk shipping through several carriers and find better rates. Plus, I'm able to track the packages all the way to Poland. The problem with Spencer's Christmas package was that I sent a big box and waited a bit too late to send it. That limited the carriers who could send it cheaply, and I picked a more obscure shipper. They did a terrible job of sending it. The package got stuck in Polish customs because they thought it was a business package, and they wanted me to fill out all sorts of forms and pay all sorts of fees. They sent all their requests to Spencer at first, but he didn't have time to deal with it. I tried to get the mission office to help, but they couldn't figure out exactly what the customs people needed to get. I finally got the customs people to send me the info, but it was all in Polish. We happen to have a friend who is a native Polish speaker, but she couldn't make heads or tails of it. She said she had never been asked to fill out these forms when she sent things home. So frustrating!!!

Well, Christmas came and went, and Spencer's package was still stuck in customs. I was about ready to throw in the towel and just forget about it. But I decided to try one last time. I asked all the moms in my Polish missionary mom group to say an extra prayer for this package to make it to Spencer. They did. In the middle of that week I got a message from the Polish customs lady who was working with me. She promised me that they didn't want to keep this package from Spencer. They wanted to help him get it. For some weird reason, that calmed me down, and I was able to figure out exactly what I needed to do. It ended up costing us an extra $80. I have no idea why, but at least it got to him, and Spencer was able to celebrate Christmas at the end of January.

That Christmas package debacle made me gun shy when it came to sending packages to Spencer, so I've done a terrible job of being consistent in the things I've sent. I hope he'll still love me. 🤣 Even though it will take several weeks to make it to Poland, I hope it gets there in time to bring him a bit of joy. I'll never be that cool missionary mom who sends the perfect gift box to my missionaries. You won't find me on a pinterest board any time soon, but I'm glad for the opportunity to send something their way. I'm super proud of my missionaries and their willingness to serve, despite hardship. It's hard to believe that Spencer is almost half-way done. It's crazy how time goes so slow and yet flies by at the same time. At the rate I'm going I'll get to send him another half dozen packages or so. I'll be an international shipping genius by then, I'm sure.

About Me

Well, I'm not feeling all that inspired today, so I'm going to just grab one of those facebook list things and fill it out. Maybe the world can learn something super (not) interesting about me. 😏

• Favorite smell- Freshly cut grass. Also, honeysuckle. Our neighborhood is filled with honeysuckle, and I love to sit on our back deck and inhale it. Weirdly, I also like the smells of coffee and pipe smoke. I think those smells remind me of growing up.
• First job- Corn pollinator for Pioneer Hybrids. Hated it!
• Dream job- Being a wife and mom. If I need to be paid ... maybe a historical archivist.
• Astrological Sign- Libra
• Favorite foot attire - Barefoot if at all possible. Otherwise, flipflops.
• Favorite candy - Anything dark chocolate.
• Favorite ice cream- Ben and Jerry's Chunky Monkey. It's my go to ice cream when I need ice cream therapy.
• Pet peeves - Racism. Unkindness.
• What are you listening to right now -- Nothing. I can't listen to anything when I'm trying to write. If I wasn't writing I would most likely be listening to an audiobook.Current audiobook: Lord of Scoundrels by Loretta Chase. I know. It's total fluff.
• Favorite condiment - KC Masterpiece BBQ sauce or honey mustard
• Favorite Holiday - Christmas by far.
• Favorite book - Soooo many. I love Jane Eyre because it never ceases to move me. I have a hard time choosing just one book. I've loved lots of books for lots of different reasons. I love to read! You can see a previous entry I made about ten(ish) books that I loved and why HERE.
• Favorite day of week - Saturdays, I guess. 
• Favorite animal - hmmm. I don't know. I used to say cats, but maybe pandas or koalas now.
• Tattoos - No tattoos for me. Tattoos done right can be sort of cool in a way, though. Unfortunately, not a lot of people get them done right. They tend to only look right when a person has the muscles to flaunt them. Once the skin starts sagging? Not so cool anymore. They aren't for me, but I do get why people get them.
• Like to cook - Sometimes. It's not a passion for me, but when I have to cook I don't mind it so much.
• Can you drive a manual transmission- Yes. Thank you, Joe Hettinger!
• Favorite color- Purple
• Do you like vegetables- Yes
• Do you wear glasses? - Yes. But I usually wear contacts
• Favorite season - Spring. Where was spring, 2018? I missed you.
• Dream Vacation- A Mediterranean cruise visiting Greece and Italy. And then I'd love to grab a train and bop all over Europe. Then I'd like to finish up in Jerusalem. It'd be the best!

O Captain, My Captain

Yesterday Katie and JoJo started watching one of my favorite movies of all time, Dead Poets Society. I can still remember the day that I first saw this movie. It was the summer before my senior year of high school, and I was in Columbia, MO for some reason. I can still remember the feeling of exhilaration I felt at the end of the movie. I felt like soaring. I was so happy and inspired. It was just the sort of movie that spoke to my teenage soul. Follow your dreams. Dare to be different. Be you. All of that thrown in with a good dose of awesome poetry and amazing teaching. I was a Dead Poets Society fan for life.

The power of that movie hasn't left me even after all these years. I still love it. Neil's dad and Mr. Perry still fill me with rage. And that final scene .... oh how I love it!

At the time as I watched that movie I always identified with Ethan Hawke's character, Todd Anderson. Here was a boy who had all of this passion and thought inside of him, but he just lacked the confidence to say it. He wanted to be himself but was too afraid to let go. That was me ... or at least that is who I thought I was. Looking back, I had way more confidence and managed to say quite a lot when I chose. I guess what I really responded to was his fear and lack of self-assurance that could help me to be exactly who I was without fear of what others may think.

When I first saw the movie I was with my friend, Mike Blotevogel, and I remember that he said that one of the things that he liked about that final scene of the movie was the fact that not all of the boys stood on their desks. It would have been awesome if they had, but realistically with the threat of expulsion from this elite school, not everyone would have had the guts to do it. Last year I was watching the movie with Herman, and he asked me something about whether or not I would have stood on the desk at the end of the movie. My answer probably says a lot about who I am ... or at least who I was as a high school student. I told him that I would probably have been one of the kids who remained seated, but then I would kick myself for the rest of my life for not having the courage to stand up like I wanted to. Yep. That's me to a T. Sadly.

It was fun to sit and watch this movie with my kids yesterday. I don't know if they were impacted by it in the same way that I was at a similar age. I hope that I have gained more courage in my older age so that I could do the right things no matter what pressure came my way. I love that movie! My favorite Robin Williams movie by far!

What I Did for Love

It's hard to be a cat sometimes. Or at least, I think it would be. You don't do much in order to show affection to your humans. Most of the time you just want to be left alone. But every once in a while you just want to say I love you. That's all. And all that happens is you cause your person to scream and yell at you to get away. I'm sure it is a confusing part of life for you. Humans are weird.

Last year Herman broke down and said that it would be okay if we got a cat to add to our lively household. He only had a few requirements:

1. Short hair.
2. Female cat.
3. Only one cat.
4. We would only keep the cat if it didn't cause problems in the house. As soon as it became a problem, we would need to find it another home.

We were very excited about this, so we headed to our local cat shelter and picked out a cute little purring calico ... who got home and figured out that she had no desire to hang with us at all. I should have figured this out when she clawed desperately to get out of the cardboard cat carrier when we brought her home. This kitty who was so snuggly with us at the shelter did the ultimate bait and switch and let us know in no uncertain terms that she was not to be touched at all ... except for Minsy. For some crazy reason, this kitten, Patches, loved to snuggle with Minsy.

Well, Patches was a big fat bummer of a kitten to own. She was not all that friendly or all that cute or all that convenient. We began to think that the best thing to do to help her was to find her a cat companion to teach her the ropes. A family in our ward, the Hortons, had a cat who had some kittens, and they were looking for someone to adopt the babies. We thought that this kitten would provide the perfect solution to our Patches dilemma. This new kitten would be used to being handled by lots of kids and would have been in a house with other cats, so it would know the ropes of how to be a good house cat. And that's how we ended up with a second cat, a male cat with long hair. Poor Herman.

I started out calling this cat Mr. Mistoffelees from the musical Cats, but soon I decided that I preferred calling the cat Marco Rubio (future humans: he is a senator from Florida). But Minsy couldn't really say any of those names, and she just started calling him MooMoo. So that's how MooMoo got his name.

MooMoo is an okay cat. He's not totally snuggly, but he treats us well. Sadly, Patches loved the outdoors, but never could find his way home after he left. The first time he left our house he was gone for three days. At about 4:30 in the morning one winter day she was meowing loudly in our backyard trying to get inside. But because of her standoffishness toward us she refused to come when we called. Finally, Minsy was able to coax her out of hiding. We tried to keep her close to the house, but one day she left and never came back. She had the love of the outdoors but didn't really have the skills to stay safe out there.

MooMoo, on the other hand, is a lion when it comes to outdoor activities. He LOVES to be outside, especially now that it is nice and warm outside. He stalks the woods and our property looking for action. He loves the HUNT!

But here's the thing ... MooMoo is not content to enjoy his fun alone. He wants to share his joy with us ... particularly with the girls. When the weather isn't totally oppressive we sometimes leave our front door open, and during those days we would sometimes find small dead lizards at the doorway of the girls room. MooMoo had left them there to share with his best buds. He just wanted to show his love for them.

The girls were not amused.

That brings us to today. Well, actually I'll go back a few days. A few days ago MooMoo hit the jackpot in his hunting. He captured a chipmunk. It was huge. He brought it inside, and after freaking out the girls discovered that the chipmunk had been playing dead. It was still alive. After much chaos and confusion we were able to get it outside to freedom. Phew! But MooMoo would not be deterred. He loves Katie and Minsy, and he was bound and determined to bring them a sign of his affection.

MooMoo got to hang out outside this morning while I took Minsy to her bus stop at Grandma and Grandpa's. After her bus left I walked back home, and I could see MooMoo in our garden, sitting primly and seeming to be waiting for me to come home. As soon as I arrived at our property he started to walk toward me. He looked sooooo proud. Dignified. I think he was happy with what he was planning to do. I got to the door and turned around to let him inside when I freaked out. There in his mouth was a dead (I thought) chipmunk with his arms and legs splayed out in a perfect death pose. I yelled at MooMoo to get the heck out of here. No! No! No! No! I was not having that brought into our house.

MooMoo looked devastated, if a cat can look such a way. He looked confused. He just sat there .... waiting.

I came inside and did what any good and brave soul would do ... I told JoJo that since he was the man of the house this week it was his responsibility to take care of this problem. (Herman and Hyrum are gone this week on a scout canoe trip). JoJo went outside to see what was up and came back to say that the poor chipmunk was not quite dead. He looked like he had a broken leg and maybe a torn throat, but the poor thing was hanging on to life. I think that MooMoo was enjoying this chipmunk suffering a little too much. He's a sadist, sadly. A cat sadist.

Eventually the little critter succumbed to her injuries and left this world for chipmunk heaven. JoJo helped take the little body to a more suitable resting place. MooMoo was extremely disappointed with this turn of events. That little animal was meant to be a gourmet dessert for his favorite humans. He was not happy with our lack of enthusiasm for his hunting prowess. He's been avoiding us all day because of this.

Oh well. Like I say ... it's hard to be a cat.

Ten Things

I'm going through my old drafts of blog posts that I never bothered to post. This is from a few years ago, and I got all the way to #8 before I stopped writing. I'm going to finish it out and post this. That'll make six for this month/year so far. I'm rocking it!
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Here's another one of those things that is flying around facebook. This time I didn't really feel like throwing it up on my facebook page, but I thought it would be nice to stick it on here to add to some tidbits for my posterity. So you'll be excited to learn ten things about my marriage to Herman. Here goes:

1. Herman and I met each other on an off election cycle ... 1993. That's a good thing since his politics run conservative and mine are more liberal. I don't think our relationship could have made it through an election cycle in the early stages. By the time 1994 came around we knew we loved each other enough to push through our political impasses and agree to disagree (and avoid talking politics much of the time). [2018 update: With the absolute chaos and craziness that is our national politics today, Herman and I are finding that our politics is strangely in line. Dear future Americans: I can't explain what is happening today. I feel like I've slipped into Bizarro World].

2. When Herman came off his mission I was totally interested in some other guy in our university branch at church. But Herman's grandpa had a huge influence on him, and he always told Herman, "If a girl doesn't have a ring on her finger she is fair game." Thank you, Grandpa Jack, for that wisdom! Herman pursued and swept me right off my feet.

3. Our first date was to a cemetery. It wasn't really planned that way. We just ended up at the National Cemetery in Springfield for some reason. Whatever the reason, it worked. I remember sitting on one of the huge monuments at the entrance to the cemetery and looking up at the stars with Herman. As he pointed constellations out to me I thought, "This guy is alright."

4. Herman planned one of the best dates I had ever been on after our first trip to the cemetery. He took me on a trip around the world. Well, it only ended up being around Springfield, but we stopped at lots of places representing other countries and took pictures. He wrote me an invitation in French, and I knew that he was going to be the guy for me.

5. After our trip around the world I planned a huge date for him. This time I took him to New York ... also to places around Springfield representing NYC landmarks. I invited him by writing the invitation on the back of a little puzzle, and apparently Herman stayed up super late one night putting it together to see what he would find. I was never so creative with any other guy I dated. I really, really liked him.

6. I like to plan. Herman likes to have adventures. Somehow we have managed to find a way to help me feel totally prepared for our life while at the same time ending up having spontaneous adventures which keep life interesting.

7. I could talk to Herman night and day for weeks at at time. I don't normally see myself as talkative with anyone, but with Herman the words never cease.

8. Both of us would probably consider ourselves animal lovers, but in our married life we have not found this to be true. We are terrible pet owners. Not abusive or anything like that. Just terrible.

9. Herman and I both love to read. I love that I've married a reader. Neither one of us spend a lot of time reading what some might consider high brow. Herman loves to read Louis L'Amour books. He collects them. He's almost got a complete collection of all of his books, and many of those books he has double and triple copies of. I, on the other hand, love romantic stories ... any sort of romantic stories. I highly prefer stories where the couple ends up with some sort of Happily Ever After. I one time read a Louis L'Amour book on recommendation by Herman because he said that there is romance in the story. Sadly, I found that our reading joys are not totally compatible with each other, even in a Louis L'Amour book. But I'm still happy he's a reader.

10. Herman and I feel absolutely guided in some of the biggest (as well as many of the smaller) decisions of our marriage. From starting our own businesses to adopting Minsy to all of those smaller decisions that have led us to where we are today, we have felt as if Heavenly Father has been an active guiding participant in those decisions. I really do believe that Heavenly Father wants to bless our lives, if we only would have the courage to listen to Him and do what He asks. I have always trusted Herman when he has come to me, feeling as if he has received a prompting through the Holy Ghost. So far, I don't feel as if we've been led astray, even when the journey is a little bit rockier than we would hope.

I'm grateful for my marriage to Herman. It's been a fun ride! I've always felt like we were MFEO (made for each other). 😃

Senior Year

Going through some old drafts of blog posts that never got posted, and I found this one. I never actually answered the questions then, so I'll answer them now.

I will be a better blogger this year. I will! [I wrote this last year, and I obviously didn't do this, but I'll make up for it now]. ...

This is a thread that is floating around facebook these days, and I thought it would be a good starter for a blog post since I've felt a serious lack of inspiration when it comes to sharing anything on this blog. Here goes ...


The year 1989-90
 
1. Did you know your significant other then? No

2. Did you carpool to school? No ... unless it counts as carpooling to have my brother in the car too.

3. What kind of car did you drive? 1976 Chevy Vega

4. It's Friday Night football, were you there? Yes. Always. I was in the marching band.

5. What kind of job did you have? Cashier at Mulch's Supermarket.

6. Were you a party animal? Not really. I didn't go to a lot of parties, thank goodness.

7. Were you considered a jock? Nope.

 8. Were you in the school band? Yep. Trumpets rule.

9. Were you a nerd? I hate that word. I'm pretty sure everyone thought I was a nerd because I made good grades, but if being a nerd means that classic view with pen protectors, lame glasses, and Dungeons and Dragons obsessions, then I was definitely not a nerd. I made a few poor choices in my day trying to prove that I was cooler than people thought I was. I wish I would have just embraced the label and shrugged off people's judgment. 

10. Did you get suspended or expelled? No way. I never even got in trouble enough to have to talk to a principal or teacher.

11. Can you sing the fight/school song? Oh yeah. C with an A. C with an A. ... (I still might be able to play it on my trumpet).


12. Where did you eat lunch? In the lunchroom in the line of tables next to the window. Everyone had to eat in the lunchroom. There were no other options. My seatmates were my brother Bryan, Mike Blotevogel, and Charles Baggs. 
 
13. What was your school mascot? Trojans

14. If you could go back and do it again would you?  No way. If I did go back I would choose to be kinder to everyone. I would choose to celebrate everyone's accomplishments. I would be a cheerleader to the masses ... not like a sports cheerleader (I have no rhythm), but like a person who roots for everyone to succeed. I would find less things to stress about and more things that bring joy to myself and others. I would have worried less about boys and more about friendships. I would have SAVED a lot more of my earnings.

15. Are you planning on going to your next high school reunion?  I don't know. Probably not. I am such an awkward conversationalist. I feel like I would just sit there and feel out of place, not knowing what to say to people who I should be able to talk to. And that would make me feel like a loser. I think. But if there is a 50th reunion and I happen to still be alive I'll probably go just because it is such a milestone. 

16. Are you still in contact with people from high school? Only through facebook, and I'm not sure that that really counts as being "in contact," does it?

17. Do you know where your high school sweetheart is today? I think so. He's led a lovely life with a lovely career and a lovely family. And so have I. 
 
18. What was your favorite subject? It seems like it should have been my English class. I remember really loving Political Science, but that's probably because my politics was in line with our teacher's. If I'd been on the other side of the political spectrum I'm sure it would have driven me crazy. I really enjoyed band as well.

19. Do you still have your class ring? Yes. My fingers are way fatter now, so it doesn't fit. If I could go back I would not have forced my parents to buy that for me. A waste of money, but it sure was lovely at the time.

20. Do you still have your yearbook? Yes, thanks to Renee Hasty Williams. My parents in some sort of crazy decluttering frenzy threw ALL of my yearbooks away. All of them. I was very upset about that. Renee somehow found out that this had happened, and she found an extra copy at the high school for me. It doesn't have all of the fun messages that people wrote to me at the end of the year. That's probably a good thing, but it does make me a little sad. But I'm glad to have it so that I can at least look back and remember who everyone is. In my old age it is crazy to think how many people I have forgotten. I'm glad I can have a little piece of remembrance to help me out.

Fly Eagle ... Fly!

 

It's June 8, 2018. Spencer actually got his Eagle in the spring of 2017. I started this blog post at that time and then never finished it, but with my new desire to be a better blogger I'm going back through my drafts to see if I can finish them up and publish them, so here goes.

Since it's been awhile since this happened I won't have the freshness of memories that I would have had if I had just published this at that time, so I won't necessarily comment on everything. I'll just mention something if I remember it as being interesting.

Spencer was supposed to get his Eagle before he was able to get his driver's license. It turns out that parents, however, enjoy having an extra driver floating around the house, so we caved and let him drive before he got it done. That made his interest in finishing his Eagle Scout requirements go way down in intensity, so he put it off until the very last minute. Making things harder, he had graduated from high school a year early and had to get all the paperwork and last minute stuff done from long distance. Luckily, he had a Young Men's president and a great dad on his side, and it got done.

Spencer didn't want to have a fancy Eagle Scout ceremony only for him. He decided to just have his ceremony at the end of the normal ceremony done for the other boys. I'm happy about that. I've never been a huge fan of the Eagle Scout celebrations. This made it a little more low key and that means low stress.

The only thing Spencer wanted for his celebration was a special cake. The bakery at Price Cutter made this, and I thought it turned out really nice.

Spencer liked it.

I started off the night by being pinned by JoJo who got his first advancement in scouts.

.... And then getting pinned by Hyrum for his advancement.

Goodness! I have no idea what I was doing here.

We are so grateful for Tony Rodrigues for his help in getting Spencer his Eagle.

Proud parents.

Do I get to pin things when an Eagle is awarded? I didn't remember that.

 

Third pin of the night!

Dad gets one too!

I'm guessing that this is all the Eagles reciting the oath. I think.

Spencer giving a speech after his award. He was explaining to the younger boys how to prepare to get their Eagle.

You'll be surprised to know that he wasn't totally serious about his remarks.

Hanging out in the Eagles Nest.

Proud Dad.

All my scout pins from the night.

The St. Robert area scouts.

All my scouts. Spencer, where are your shoes?!!?

The Understudy

Herman took this lovely picture of me. :)

Ah Girls Camp. I have such a sweet spot in my heart for girls camp. I feel like girls camp is my rising-like-the-phoenix-from-the-ashes experience of church membership. From my first camp experience as a ward camp director that was an unmitigated disaster to my years serving as our St. Robert Stake camp director, I have a whole parcel of memories dedicated to my years attending this great program. I haven't attended for the last several years as others have grabbed the baton and charged forward to direct this program, but I've loved coming to up to visit whenever Herman has spoken to the girls. It's been lovely.

The stake asked Herman to speak to the girls last night. I have been asking him for the past several days what he was going to talk about, and he was never quite sure. This didn't bother me too much. He often spends a good portion of time thinking about his talks before he nails down a final topic. I just knew that, whatever it was, it was going to be a great talk. He is such a gifted speaker. Well, tonight it was getting down to the wire. Herman had had to run down to Springfield to drop off a refrigerator at our rental house there, so he was gone for a good portion of the day. He ended up getting home around 5:30 as I was fixing dinner when he came into the kitchen and proudly proclaimed, "I know what I'm going to talk about tonight." ...

"You are going to talk!"

What??!? I am going to talk? But it was 5:30. He was supposed to start speaking at 8 pm. I hadn't given one second of thought to any sort of hour long talk to give. I was going to have to speak in front of 100 girls and leaders. Yikes! I've talked a bunch of times for girls camp, but normally I have some time to work up to it. This was nerve wracking.

But I agreed. Because I love Herman. And I trust him.

I immediately headed outside to our back deck where it is peaceful and quiet, and I pondered what I needed to talk about. I got an impression right off the bat. I knew what I wanted to talk about. I was ready.

Hopefully.

I have a had a talk ready to go for a long time this year. While I was teaching one day in seminary I had been planning on teaching a particular lesson when the class discussion pushed us down another path. As we learned together I got a powerful insight that stuck with me after that day. I knew that I wanted to give a talk on this someday. If I was ever asked to talk in General Conference (never gonna happen!!! As if!) this was the talk I would give. But more likely I thought it might be a cool talk to give in our ward someday because I thought it was a lesson that all of us could use.

I felt a little bad for the girls. I know that the people in the stake love to hear Herman speak. He is so good at it. They were expecting a talk from their stake president ... not his wife. I felt like it was similar to how people must feel when they go to a Broadway show, expecting to see the famous leads in the play, only to find out that you have to watch the understudies. Sure, it's the same show, but you can't help but be a little disappointed. That was me last night ... the understudy.

Well, it went splendidly. I think. I feel like I said exactly what the Lord needed me to say. I started by telling everyone about the struggles I have always had with prayer. I have always felt like there was some sort of disconnect when I was talking to my Heavenly Father. I never grew up learning how to pray, and I've just never felt comfortable doing it. That's always bothered me a bit. But I shared with them what I learned about prayer in my seminary lesson that day last year.

We had been studying Alma 31, which was when Alma went to teach the Zoramites. The Zoramites were a giant piece of work. They built the Rameumpton for their recited prayers, and those prayers were terrible. They were such a mess. Alma hung out with them for a bit and noticed their spiritual craziness, and he was a bit put out with his role having to deal with such people, so he said a prayer which is found in that chapter of the Book of Mormon. I read the definition of prayer which is found in the Bible Dictionary, and in that definition it explains that

Prayer is the act by which the will of the Father and the will of the child are brought into correspondence with each other. The object of prayer is not to change the will of God but to secure for ourselves and for others blessings that God is already willing to grant but that are made conditional on our asking for them. Blessings require some work or effort on our part before we can obtain them. Prayer is a form of work and is an appointed means for obtaining the highest of all blessings.(Read the whole definition HERE).

I explained that Heavenly Father isn't moving. It's up to us to move to get in a place spiritually and emotionally where we can hear Him.

Alma's prayer in Alma 31 is a perfect example of what this looks like. I love how he begins the prayer by complaining about his assignment. He gripes and gripes and gripes about the ridiculousness of the Zoramites and wonders how long he is going to continue to have to deal with people like this. I love it because I feel like Alma was open and honest and REAL.  There's nothing wrong with letting Heavenly Father know what we are struggling with. I think it's okay to complain a little bit ... as long as our prayer doesn't stop there. Alma starts this way, but then he begins to pray for HIMSELF. He asks for comfort and strength and patience so that he can do what Heavenly Father needs him to do. I think that Alma recognized that his will was not in line with Heavenly Father's and this part of the prayer was his attempt to get the tools he needed so that he could get in line. The next part of his prayer was for HIS FAMILY AND COMPANIONS. Now his prayer begins to turn outward. He is no longer worried only about himself. He is praying for those he loves so that they can have success. Another excellent example of what we need to do as we pray and work to get our wills in line with Heavenly Father. Finally, Alma ends his prayer by praying for the ZORAMITES. He says that they are 'precious,' remarkable considering the mini-rant he had just gone on regarding their ridiculous practices in the previous column.

What had happened in Alma's prayer was that he had WORKED and gone through a process so that he could put himself in a place spiritually, mentally, and emotionally so that he was ready to HEAR what the Lord had to tell him. And that's where I tied it into the camp theme for the day which was 'Listen to His Words." I talked about how Heavenly Father is standing ready to bless our lives with countless blessings.. He is ready to teach us and guide us and help us through our trials. But sometimes we can't receive those blessings or hear those words because we are not willing to listen. We are not in a place where we are prepared to do what it takes to get in the right place. Alma was able to be richly blessed immediately after that prayer, but he had to do the work of the prayer so that he could get those blessings. If  he had just given up after his complaint he would have missed seeing the hand of the Lord in his life. If he had only focused his prayer on himself or his friends he also would have missed out. He had to go through the whole process in order to get to the right place.

Then I pivoted a bit to talk about dating, simply because that is the easiest way to see how we might create stumbling blocks for ourselves at this age. I talked about how often youth immediately get defensive when teachers/leaders bring up the standards in the For the Strength of Youth manual. They get upset to have to hear yet another lesson about dating. They aren't willing to stop dating in ways that are in opposition to that counsel, and they don't want to hear about it. I just showed the youth how the same pattern that Alma used in his prayer was the same pattern that we need to use in our own prayers, whether it is about dating or if it is some other favorite sin that we like to hold onto. We cannot receive all the blessings the Lord has in store for us if we are unable to move from our spot. If we are unable to change, we lose those blessings.

Anyway, that was the gist of the talk. Typing it out isn't quite as satisfying as it was giving it to the youth in person. I felt super guided in what I said. I knew that it was just what they needed to hear. It was just what I needed to hear. After I finished a few girls came up to thank me for my words. That meant a lot. I hope that I made a difference. Herman said I did a good job. I know he's contractually obligated to say such things, but I felt like he really did enjoy my words.

Sometimes it's okay to be the understudy. The Lord needs understudies to help build the kingdom too. I'm just happy that I felt His guiding influence yesterday, especially speaking to the great youth of the Church. 

I am Thankful for a Prophet

Well, what do you know? Two days of posts in a row! Hooray! I hope my newfound resolve can last.

I had a great weekend full of spiritual moments that led to promptings and experiences that have proven to be good for my life. It has made me want to talk a bit about what it means to have a prophet to lead and guide me in my life. So here goes ...

When I was younger (middle school age) I went to a tiny little RLDS church down the street from my house. Becoming a member of the LDS church would have never crossed my mind at the time. I would have never seen myself where I am today. You can check out the story of how I got here in my post HERE. The RLDS church believes in latter-day prophets just like the LDS church does, but at the time they believed that the prophets had to be descended through the line of the prophet Joseph Smith, so all of their prophets were Smiths. I remember sitting in church one day and seeing a newsletter or magazine that had a picture of their prophet. I remember looking at the picture (I think it was a picture of Wallace B. Smith) and thinking it was way weird to look at an older guy in a modern day suit and believe that he could possibly be a prophet in the same way that Moses or Elijah or Isaiah was a prophet. It didn't compute for me. They didn't talk much about prophets in the little church I attended (or at least I was never paying attention when they did), so I never really dedicated a lot of thought to whether or not there could be latter-day prophets. I only remember my thought about how strange it was for a prophet to look like any other ordinary guy.

Fast forward to my new life as a Mormon. I had learned more in depth about latter-day prophets and why it made sense that there could still be prophets on the earth today. It just made sense to me. Of course Jesus would still use prophets in our day. Why would He go to all the trouble of using them in ancient days, only to let us flail around like crazy people without any guidance today? Especially when you consider how much chaos and confusion exists in our modern world, how could we be expected to know exactly how to navigate through the world without some modern clarifications? I mean, really, how could ancient prophets have had any use for pronouncing guidance regarding social media or cell phones or computers or world travel? Or any of our modern life conveniences and struggles? We need someone who can respond to our modern trials. We need a modern day prophet. I received confirmation as a young 19 year old girl that Joseph Smith truly was a prophet, restoring the Gospel to the world in its fullness. I felt confident that the line of authority continued after his death from Brigham Young all the way to Ezra Taft Benson, who was the prophet at the time. It made sense to me. It felt right. That's one of the reasons I joined the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. It made sense.

But as for having a testimony of prophets ... well, I never gave it too much thought after that. I never actually got to hear or see Ezra Taft Benson speak as a prophet. Soon after I joined the Church he became super ill and did not attend General Conference. It was that way for several years. When Howard W. Hunter became the prophet I barely had time to wrap my head around the fact that he was a prophet before he died. But then Gordon B. Hinckley became the prophet. Oh how I loved/love Gordon B. Hinckley. He and President Monson had been the voice of the Church for so long while Ezra Taft Benson and Howard W. Hunter were sick. They were in the 1st Presidency, so they could administer in that role, even though they were not the prophets. But I remember when President Hinckley was sustained. I expected it to be just the same as it always had been. Since he was always the guy who was speaking and running the meetings, I just thought that it would sound exactly the same. But it didn't sound the same. I remember when President Hinckley first got to the pulpit as President of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. He spoke with authority, and I FELT that authority. I KNEW that he was a prophet. It was the first time that I think I really felt the truthfulness of our doctrine that there is a prophet on earth today who directs the Church as led by Jesus Christ. I knew that this was true doctrine. I knew that President Hinckley was a prophet. And that matters.

When President Monson died this winter it was a new era for me as a member of the Church. I have been a member of the Church now for 27 years, and during that entire time President Hinckley or President Monson had been there in the 1st Presidency. The sound of their voices are things that I will probably never forger. Now we had a new prophet, a man who I had never really pictured in that role. Russell M. Nelson has never been in the 1st Presidency, and he barely spent time as President of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, so I had hardly gotten used to calling him President Nelson. This was a testing period for me, a time to see if I really believed in the office of a prophet or if I was just beholden to particular men.

Herman wanted for us to be together as a family during the Solemn Assembly which was held in April to sustain the new prophet. Luckily, we were able to get tickets to that session of conference, so we were able to sit together as a family during this awesome event. I loved watching President Nelson walk into the Conference Center. You would never guess that he was 93 years old. He had so much spring in his step. He seemed so healthy! It was a powerful moment to see each of my family stand as their priesthood quorum or group was called. I felt a strong confirmation that President Nelson truly was a prophet.

And then he started talking.

Oh man! What an amazing conference! President Nelson led the leaders of the Church in making all sorts of changes that would make the Church more efficient and more responsive to the needs of a growing and more global church. It was amazing to see his leadership and how he was shaping the direction of the Church. Such a fun conference to be at! I knew he truly was a prophet.

So, with that REALLY long introduction .... I want to talk about what I learned from President Nelson on Sunday. On Sunday President Nelson called for a meeting of all the youth of the Church. He and his amazing wife, Wendy, spoke to the youth. They spoke of the gathering of Israel, and President Nelson said that it was the most important work of these latter days, and he called on the youth to be active participants in this gathering. He gave them five specific things to do, beginning immediately. They are:

1. Hold a 7 day fast from social media.
2. For 3 weeks in a row, make a weekly sacrifice of time to the Lord.
3. Keep on the covenant path. (Or get back on if you have left it).
4. Pray daily that all of God's children might receive the blessing of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. and ...
5. Stand out and be different from the world.

When I was sitting in the chapel, hearing President Nelson speak, I felt like I was participating in something BIG. I'm not exactly sure what is so big about this, but I just feel like it is super important that the youth do these things. As he spoke I felt like it was super important that I do them as well. I immediately removed Facebook and Twitter off my phone. Those are the two social media sites that I find myself using most of the time. It wasn't crazy hard to do this, but I did feel a bit of a twinge in my heart, worried that I would miss something in the week I was off. But it wasn't too hard. The hardest time has been during slow times during the day when I just want to sit down and scroll through news feeds. I always grab my phone, but then just look at the screen, remembering that I can't do that this week. It has been a bit shocking to realize how many times during the day I jump onto social media sites. That will be a good consequence of this fast, as long as I can be more judicious in my use of those sites once I end this fast next week.

After this small little step I took to follow our prophet I felt a renewed energy to be more productive. I have had more time to get things done, and I have tried to use it to do some cleaning that I have put off and start projects that I have meant to do. I have blogged! I have done some good scripture study this week, and I feel like my mind is clearer, better able to receive the spiritual guidance I need in my own life. I have been richly blessed.

I know that there are a lot of people in the world who think that it is wacky that we believe that we have an actual prophet of God. We always picture our prophets in desert robes with staffs, à la Moses. But I am grateful to know that we really do have a modern day prophet who looks like us and dresses like us, but has been called to speak for the Lord as His special witness in these days. I am grateful for the opportunities I have to follow his guidance and counsel. I feel like I have never been led astray whenever I do this. I am grateful for President Nelson, and I am excited to join my children as we work to gather Israel.

When All Else Fails ... Write!!!

Hello, blogger! It's been awhile. A long, long while. I can't even begin to say how many times in the last couple of years I have felt the pull to blog. So many times. And yet ... nothing. I couldn't bring myself to write anything. My sweet Herman would beg me to write down my thoughts on paper (okay, computer), but I just couldn't do it. I would start a post every once in awhile, but I felt like my words were soooo inadequate. They sounded terrible. So bad. I didn't want to disappoint anyone with my suckiness. So I didn't write anything. At all. For a long, long time.

But I felt so much guilt about it. I wanted to write.I feel like there is this secret part inside of me that has to get the words out. Since I am a horrible conversationalist, writing is the way to go. I feel like my writing gives me the chance to express who the real ME is. Hardly anyone knows the real me. Herman does. Maybe my kids do. Maybe. But that's about it. I need to find a place to express myself freely, and I have enjoyed doing that through my blog in the past. I wanted to do it again.

But the words just wouldn't come.

I would sit down and think about writing, but they were stuck in my head. What would I write about? Would anyone care? Did it matter if anyone cared? Why was I doing this blog anyway?

Well, last weekend I was blessed to be able to attend our stake conference. We had a visiting general authority, Elder J. Devn Cornish of the Seventy. He was marvelous. I felt such an overwhelming influence of the Holy Spirit as I listened to training and talks this weekend. A lot of the inspiration I felt had little to do with the words that were actually being spoken. It was more like the words were catalysts, inspiring me to think about myself and make some personal goals that would help me to be a better person and suck the marrow out of life more fully. One of those thoughts was that I needed to be blogging regularly. Okay. Well, that is a lovely revelation to have ... but I already have been thinking that. I still am facing the same issues as before.

But now I feel GUILT. Ayayay!

But this morning I was reading a little article on the goodreads blog about author Sabaa Tahir (Love her!). She mentioned that it is important for her to just sit down and write, even if it is awful. She explained that you can always edit something awful that you have written, but you can't edit a blank sheet of paper. Brilliant! That was exactly what I needed to hear. That's exactly what I needed to do.

So here I am. I'm going to write. I hope I can write every day. I probably won't be able to do it. But I'm going to try. I'm sure that at first a lot of my posts are going to be pure rubbish. But I'm okay with that. I need to push through this and rediscover my writing muse. I love to write. I've always loved to write. From the time that I was super little I have wanted to write. I just need to do it. I'm going to get this blog up and running again, and then, who knows? I might even start the novel that I am always threatening to throw together. Fingers crossed!