O Captain, My Captain

Yesterday Katie and JoJo started watching one of my favorite movies of all time, Dead Poets Society. I can still remember the day that I first saw this movie. It was the summer before my senior year of high school, and I was in Columbia, MO for some reason. I can still remember the feeling of exhilaration I felt at the end of the movie. I felt like soaring. I was so happy and inspired. It was just the sort of movie that spoke to my teenage soul. Follow your dreams. Dare to be different. Be you. All of that thrown in with a good dose of awesome poetry and amazing teaching. I was a Dead Poets Society fan for life.

The power of that movie hasn't left me even after all these years. I still love it. Neil's dad and Mr. Perry still fill me with rage. And that final scene .... oh how I love it!

At the time as I watched that movie I always identified with Ethan Hawke's character, Todd Anderson. Here was a boy who had all of this passion and thought inside of him, but he just lacked the confidence to say it. He wanted to be himself but was too afraid to let go. That was me ... or at least that is who I thought I was. Looking back, I had way more confidence and managed to say quite a lot when I chose. I guess what I really responded to was his fear and lack of self-assurance that could help me to be exactly who I was without fear of what others may think.

When I first saw the movie I was with my friend, Mike Blotevogel, and I remember that he said that one of the things that he liked about that final scene of the movie was the fact that not all of the boys stood on their desks. It would have been awesome if they had, but realistically with the threat of expulsion from this elite school, not everyone would have had the guts to do it. Last year I was watching the movie with Herman, and he asked me something about whether or not I would have stood on the desk at the end of the movie. My answer probably says a lot about who I am ... or at least who I was as a high school student. I told him that I would probably have been one of the kids who remained seated, but then I would kick myself for the rest of my life for not having the courage to stand up like I wanted to. Yep. That's me to a T. Sadly.

It was fun to sit and watch this movie with my kids yesterday. I don't know if they were impacted by it in the same way that I was at a similar age. I hope that I have gained more courage in my older age so that I could do the right things no matter what pressure came my way. I love that movie! My favorite Robin Williams movie by far!