Hello, blogger! It's been awhile. A long, long while. I can't even begin to say how many times in the last couple of years I have felt the pull to blog. So many times. And yet ... nothing. I couldn't bring myself to write anything. My sweet Herman would beg me to write down my thoughts on paper (okay, computer), but I just couldn't do it. I would start a post every once in awhile, but I felt like my words were soooo inadequate. They sounded terrible. So bad. I didn't want to disappoint anyone with my suckiness. So I didn't write anything. At all. For a long, long time.
But I felt so much guilt about it. I wanted to write.I feel like there is this secret part inside of me that has to get the words out. Since I am a horrible conversationalist, writing is the way to go. I feel like my writing gives me the chance to express who the real ME is. Hardly anyone knows the real me. Herman does. Maybe my kids do. Maybe. But that's about it. I need to find a place to express myself freely, and I have enjoyed doing that through my blog in the past. I wanted to do it again.
But the words just wouldn't come.
I would sit down and think about writing, but they were stuck in my head. What would I write about? Would anyone care? Did it matter if anyone cared? Why was I doing this blog anyway?
Well, last weekend I was blessed to be able to attend our stake conference. We had a visiting general authority, Elder J. Devn Cornish of the Seventy. He was marvelous. I felt such an overwhelming influence of the Holy Spirit as I listened to training and talks this weekend. A lot of the inspiration I felt had little to do with the words that were actually being spoken. It was more like the words were catalysts, inspiring me to think about myself and make some personal goals that would help me to be a better person and suck the marrow out of life more fully. One of those thoughts was that I needed to be blogging regularly. Okay. Well, that is a lovely revelation to have ... but I already have been thinking that. I still am facing the same issues as before.
But now I feel GUILT. Ayayay!
But this morning I was reading a little article on the goodreads blog about author Sabaa Tahir (Love her!). She mentioned that it is important for her to just sit down and write, even if it is awful. She explained that you can always edit something awful that you have written, but you can't edit a blank sheet of paper. Brilliant! That was exactly what I needed to hear. That's exactly what I needed to do.
So here I am. I'm going to write. I hope I can write every day. I probably won't be able to do it. But I'm going to try. I'm sure that at first a lot of my posts are going to be pure rubbish. But I'm okay with that. I need to push through this and rediscover my writing muse. I love to write. I've always loved to write. From the time that I was super little I have wanted to write. I just need to do it. I'm going to get this blog up and running again, and then, who knows? I might even start the novel that I am always threatening to throw together. Fingers crossed!
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