Meditations on a Life of Organized Chaos: You Know Me So Well

Twenty years. That's such a long time ... and it isn't. Yesterday Herman and I celebrated twenty years of marriage together, and it seems like just yesterday that we began our adventures together.

I could make this a sappy sweet sugar fest of gooey statements about all the things I love about Herman. I could. But I don't think I will. I think, instead, that I will just say what we did to celebrate our 20th anniversary and what that says about who we are and how we work together as a couple. Get ready to be dazzled. We planned an extravaganza.

Or not.

We had been thinking of what to do for this anniversary for awhile. After all, it's a big number. Twenty years is sort of a big deal, isn't it? Well, it seemed like it deserved more than a Happy Anniversary kiss and a celebratory muffin. So I thought that we might plan something a little more extravagant. But then we signed up to take the family to Philmont at the beginning of the month. (See my previous seven posts). That took a chunk of time out of the month, and we really didn't feel like planning another big trip after only returning from the last one. So I knew that we would plan something a little more scaled down. The question was, what?

We really had no idea. Even yesterday as we woke up we didn't know what we would do. We just knew that we were leaving our capable children to man the fort here as we headed off into the sunset for an anniversary adventure. And that showcased one interesting side of our relationship. For the most part we don't do detailed plans. I am a planner. I love to create elaborate plans for the things we can do on our vacations, plotting out the day's events very deliberately. Herman is not really a vacation planner. He would rather just see how things go. For most of our married life I have made plans and been very happy to do so, and then when we leave on our vacations we generally scrap those plans and fly by the seat of our pants. There might be some planners out there who would be irritated to be married to a total non-planner, but I have always loved our spontaneity on trips. I get all the joy of planning things, and that keeps me calm before we leave, but then I also get to enjoy all the amazing experiences we have while improvising on the trip. Best of both worlds.

All we knew when we left was that we were headed to St. Louis. Not very exotic, I know. But we were going to get a hotel and have a day away from home just to focus on each other, so it was still going to be a huge treat. The only question was what to do when we got there. The Cardinals were playing a game that night, and I thought that that would be a great thing to do since we went to watch the Cardinals play in Denver on the day we got married. But that never really panned out.

We decided instead to head to the zoo. Hanging out at the zoo is not all that spectacular. We are Friends of the Zoo in St. Louis, and we go there fairly often, but we haven't ever gone there by ourselves. We have always had our kids with us and were driven to see the things that they would enjoy the most. Hanging out at the zoo without kids is a totally different experience. Totally different.

Herman and I looked at a few of the animals. It had been awhile since Herman had been at the zoo, so he hadn't seen the uber-cool underwater viewing of the sea lions. So awesome! We walked there and then headed over to see my favorite exhibit at the zoo, the chimpanzees. The zoo was crazy crowded because the weather was amazing. Low 80s in July. You can't ask for better weather. As we walked I could see another thing that kind of defines our relationship. Herman likes to humor me. I can get really excited about things sometimes, especially at the zoo. Herman doesn't always share that same enthusiasm. But he has become a master at making me feel like he is right there with me in love for whatever thing I am getting excited over. I never feel like he is being condescending. But I do feel like he is trying his best to stay along for whatever ride I am dragging him toward.

Well, after a little bit of time walking around, basically aimlessly, we decided to sit down on a bench outside one of the bear exhibits and just talk. We talked and talked and talked. We talked about all of the many blessings that have come into our lives in the last twenty years. We talked about our wonderful children. We talked about our hopes and dreams for the future. We talked about our differences and our similarities. We talked about the amazing number of zoo patrons who color their hair. We talked about everything. That is another wonderful thing about our relationship. We are best friends and never lack things that we can talk about. We have fairly different political views and differ in many of our opinions, but no matter what the topic, we generally can find a lively conversation. Marriage is wonderful when you are married to someone so easy to talk to.

While we were talking Herman told me that he really wanted to be with me in the temple today on our anniversary. So we decided to get some dinner and then head to the temple. For dinner I thought that we needed to go somewhere special, but it is overwhelming to have to decide on a place to eat in a city the size of St. Louis. We had no idea where we wanted to eat. We finally decided to head to the mall that is near the temple and see what was available. We didn't get any big feelings about where to go, so we finally settled on Romano's Macaroni Grill, basically an Olive Garden wanna be. And I ate a dish that may have been baked in five cups of butter. Was it delicious? Yes. But I felt pretty guilty eating something that seemed so unhealthy. Oh well. It's out anniversary. Everything is healthy on our anniversary.

After dinner we headed over to the temple. There weren't a lot of people there. It always makes me a little sad when it is so slow at the temple, but it is also sweet to see how excited they are to see us when we arrive. We learned some inside info about some changes that are coming, which was super neat, and that made this session even more meaningful for me as I attended with Herman. As I sat in the temple I was able to think about how blessed I feel in my life. I am super glad that somehow I was led to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I can't imagine what my life would look like without it. And I am so grateful for Herman in my life. He is always exactly who I need. Always.

While we sat in the temple we talked about how we wanted the next twenty years to be. We talked about our children and our hopes and dreams for them. We got some specific impressions about things we could change or improve to better help them prepare for whatever the future brings. It was such a wonderful way to end the evening for our anniversary. I couldn't imagine a better place to be. So peaceful and so beautiful.

And that is another thing that defines our relationship. We love this gospel. We try to do our best to dedicate our lives to doing whatever it is that Heavenly Father wishes for us. We don't always succeed, but we try to push forward, improving a little each day. I am so grateful to be married to a man who loves the Lord more than he loves me, but because he loves the Lord so much, it automatically makes it so that he treats me with ultimate kindness and goodness. I couldn't ask for a better and more compatible spouse. He knows me so well that he can anticipate my reaction in almost every situation. He can read every nuance of expression that crosses my face. He can see me in my weakest state and love me enough to lift me up to be who I am meant to be. He is my rock. I am eternally grateful for him.

We began our lives together twenty years ago in a temple in Denver Colorado. We ended our evening twenty years later in a temple in St. Louis Missouri. So much has changed in the twenty years in between. We have both grown wiser and more patient. What we thought was love all those years ago has blossomed into a depth of feeling that is indescribable. In those years we have welcomed seven amazing and pure spirits into our home, and together we have learned oh so much. I cannot wait to see where we will be in twenty more years. If if is anything like the last twenty years, it will fly by faster than I could ever imagine. Here's to another twenty years with my ever growing and always amazing family!