Tears for My JoJo

I love all of my wonderful children lots and lots, but I have to admit that I have a special place in my heart for JoJo ... probably because he's my youngest little guy and we got to spend so much one-on-one time together after Hyrum started school. I'll admit ... I probably baby him a bit too much, but surely it won't be so much that he'll be horribly ruined by it.

JoJo says and does the funniest things sometimes. One of my very favorite JoJo actions was the time a year or so ago when he decided that he wanted to make a fly into his own special pet. A fly? Yes. A fly.

JoJo somehow managed to catch a fly and then tear off its wings. (Fly lovers of the world ... Don't freak out! We already did have a little talk with JoJo about how mean that was.) The poor little fly walked and walked trying to get away from the mean little boy, and then JoJo explained to all of us that his pet was no longer a fly. He was going to call it a "walk." He is a master at word play, my little JoJo. To make a long story short, JoJo's pet walk was soon put out of his misery by one of us who introduced Mr. Walk to a fly swatter.

Well, JoJo is all boy in many ways, but he is also very tender hearted, and it is the tender hearted nature of his that tugs on my heart strings all the time. And that brings us to today. JoJo easily started kindergarten last year, no problems at all. He fit right in and never shed a single tear as he headed off to live his new life as an elementary student. He always seemed too young to be leaving me, but he managed just fine in the gigantic elementary school that is East Elementary. Last year he was at East with Hyrum, who was in second grade, but this year he is all alone. He didn't have any problem at all yesterday as we dropped him off. We always make it a point to walk all of our elementary kids in to their classrooms on the first day of school. (I'd totally walk the older three into their classes as well, but I don't think they'd appreciate it as much). We take lots of pictures and give giant first-day-of-school hugs and try to make the day as exciting as possible. After all ... school IS cool!

But then we got to today ...

For today I planned on dropping everyone off at the parent drop off spots at East and Freedom, like normal. JoJo was the first to be dropped off. East is still working out a lot of kinks in their before and after school routines when it comes to drop offs and pick ups, so the line was a bit slow. Luckily we were early enough that it wasn't long. I dropped JoJo off, but they only had one teacher working the line, so JoJo was basically left on his own to get into the school. That is normally not that big of a deal. He's done the same thing a hundred times before, so I didn't worry about it much. The lady driving the car in front of me was having the hardest time getting her kids out of her car. Seriously, she probably should have just considered parking the car and taking all the time she needed. But as I waited for her to get things figured out I looked over and noticed that JoJo had not left to walk into the school. He was standing under the walkway watching us. As soon as he saw me look his way he started running back to the car, begging me to wait for him. I had time so I rolled down the window to see what was wrong. He got tears in his eyes and said that he was afraid that he couldn't remember how to get to his class. Luckily in the maze that is East Elementary JoJo does happen to have an easy class to locate, so Katie, Hyrum, and I gave him the directions to find it, telling him that any teacher would help him if he felt lost. The truth is that I think that JoJo has always had Hyrum to walk with him as he goes to school. And Hyrum is such a good and attentive big brother, helping JoJo find his way anywhere. Today it hit JoJo that Hyrum was no longer going to be with him in school this year. And it freaked him out.

I probably could have gotten out and walked JoJo inside, but I just can't explain just how chaotic mornings are at East during the first few weeks of school, and the place is just not set up for any sort of quick drop in. If I want to stop and walk JoJo all the way to his classroom it has to be a planned event. I have to drop the kids at THREE different elementary schools which all begin at the exact same time, and that takes precision in scheduling. I am completely willing to throw the whole schedule out and walk JoJo in if necessary, but I could tell that JoJo was going to be okay and just needed a few words of encouragement. I gave them to him, told him he was awesome in every way, and sent him on his way. He seemed to be just fine as he turned around and headed into the school.

But I wasn't.

I immediately burst into tears. I didn't want JoJo to go to school. I wanted for him to stay with me today, but it was probably a bit early in the year for me to plan a Mommy/JoJo Skip Day (yes, we do these ... a lot). It was just hard to see his fear of heading off on his own today. I wished that I could hold his hand as he went to school. And as he learned his lessons. And played games. And read stories and sang songs. I just felt so strongly as I drove off today that I did not want for him to grow up ... ever. 

I'm sure that eventually I might feel like it was time for him to progress and grow. But I did not want for that day to be today. I have sat by and cheered on all of JoJo's new accomplishments in life ... as he learned to walk and then learned to run. As he learned to explore the world around him on his own and as he began to make discoveries that I had never noticed before. I enjoy every new step he takes toward eventual independence. But I have to say that today I wished for a good long moment that time could just stop for a moment and let me savor the time I have with JoJo today. Time seemed to move so slowly when I was younger, but the older I get, the faster it is flying by me, and I feel like I don't have the strength to grab on and make it slow for me. I wish I could just have a minute to drink these moments in. (sigh)

So today JoJo's eyes watered a bit as he looked to me for some encouragement. I gave him what he needed, giving him the courage to turn around and head the direction he needed to go. He squared his shoulders and headed into the school without worry. But I was the one who left in tears, as I saw yet another example of my little boy growing up. I guess it is just part of the whole grand parenting experience, so I should just hang on for the ride and enjoy it, right? 

... but I'm totally planning on skipping the laundry today and taking JoJo out for a Mommy/JoJo ice cream date when he gets home from school. Life's too short to skip any opportunity for an ice cream date with my baby boy!