It Appears That I Have Bitten Off More Than I Can Chew (Without Gagging) This Time

I like to read. A lot. It is my keep-me-sane activity that I turn to when things get crazy ... and even when things aren't crazy. I love it. For the past few years I have been writing reviews of the things that I read and posting them on sites like amazon, goodreads, and netgalley as well as on my own personal book blog. It isn't a big deal. Mostly it provides me a place to record my thoughts about the things I read. There's a good reason for this ... you see, I have the memory capabilities of a turnip. I simply cannot remember half of the things I've read after a month or so has passed. Seriously, I can read a book and then pull it out again after a year, and it is like I am reading a brand new book all over again. Weird. These reviews give me a place to turn when I want to remember things that I might have forgotten. 

Lately I have found a benefit to all of this reading ... I get free books! Yea! Authors and publishers are always looking for ways to promote their books, and bloggers offer an easy way to spread the word. My little blog is just a baby compared to many book blogs out there, so I don't get the superstar authors and publishers to look at me, but I get a lot of independent authors and smaller publishing houses to offer me books in exchange for honest reviews. It is really neat to get to interact with some of these new authors. 

But there is one problem.

Independent authors are authors who publish their books directly electronically, avoiding publishing houses completely. They are able to do it cheaply, so they can realize a lot of profit from any sales they make. I have come across some amazing writers this way -- Colleen Hoover, M. Leighton (who upsets me now with her choices in subject manner, but originally was an amazing young adult author), and Courtney Cole are a few examples. But I am just as likely to encounter a completely horrible author, so I try to be a bit discriminating before I head out and buy an indie book. Still, I sometimes grab a loser. Luckily I am usually only out the 99 cents I paid for the book, so all is not lost.

Well, I have had the chance to review several books from indie authors, and for the most part, I have always been pleased with the books I have read. Once in a while I read an outstanding book. Generally I read an adequate book that needs a bit of polishing. Well, today I have found myself in a mighty fine blogging pickle.

Shane Morgan is an indie writer who is hosting a blog tour to promote her new book. A blog tour is when an author or publisher plans several days in a row of different blogs highlighting a book or author. She chose me to host one of the blog tour days and sent me a digital copy of her book. It is a paranormal romance, very popular with indie writers these days. In fact, it is so common to find paranormal romances published that most of them just run together, not standing out from a very crowded field. It seemed like it might be interesting, so I agreed to read the book and review it. I started reading today, hoping for the best, but prepared for something less than perfect. 

And, holy cow!, I think I might have stumbled onto one of the worst books I have ever read. Not the worst book ever written, but the worst one I have had to read. It is really, really bad ... so bad that I have been crying with laughter for most of the evening as I have read passages in the book. You know those movies that are so bad, they become cult classics?

Like this one. You have to check it out! So unintentionally funny!

Well, this book rises to that level of bad. It is absolutely hilarious ... unintentionally. Here's a passage as an example (keep in mind that this is a young adult book ... very PG, but the language just doesn't fit this at all):

Chance lusted at my sight; he glanced at my hair, my eyes, and moved down to my lips. He moaned hungrily then whispered, "You're beautiful." I was beyond flattered. I should've said thanks for the compliment, but didn't.

Maybe this is only funny to me because I read this in the context of the whole book, but this moment takes place in the first few chapters of the book. The two of them have never really talked to one another before, and he has just shown up at a book store. Without a single conversation to get things started, he launched right into "lusting at [her] sight" (whatever that means). And he "moaned hungrily?" How creepy is that? Who does that in the middle of a bookstore toward a girl who they have only just met? Ewwww. And then her reaction? Well, it was soooo badly written. It's just awful. Awful. Awful. Awful. And it continues this way for the rest of the book that I have read so far.

Well, here's my blogging dilemma: Authors don't sign people up for blog tours who are going to criticize their writing. And although I am very honest in my reviews, I do try to be basically kind to writers. After all, it has to be daunting to put something out to the world that you have poured your heart and soul into. They should get some points for bravery. But I am not going to be able to find many kind things to say about this book. In fact, many of the reviews I have read so far focus on the cover, not the content, since that seems to be the best thing to praise. If this was JK Rowling or a famous and filthy rich author I wouldn't feel so bad about being brutally honest about how bad this book is. All they would have to do to get over the hurt feelings they might feel after reading my review would be to take a few minutes to swim in the enormous piles of money they are earning from the sales of their novels and remember that they are filthy rich authors, and I am not. But this is a young writer, and this is her first real published book. I hate to kill her dreams. I am going to have to find some way to be honest but kind at the same time.

So tonight and tomorrow in my spare time I'm going to do the hardest thing I have ever been asked to do as a book blogger ... try to write a positive review about an atrocious book. Or maybe I'll fake a huge emergency that will prevent me from taking part in the blog tour. Along the way I am collecting quotes from the novel that I will tuck away in my "you couldn't do worse than this" or "this is why I won't try to publish my writings" files that I look at whenever I think about trying to write this book that is in my head. Herman would say that this book is an example of how anyone can publish and earn money off a novel these days. I would say that it is an example of how something might sound awesome in your head, but on paper comes across as horrible in every way.

I'm off to read ... but first I'm going to make a sandwich. My tummy just "moaned hungrily" at me. Wonder if it will get around to telling me I'm beautiful next.