What Are You Doing New Year ... New Year's Eve?

I'm feeling terribly melancholy this New Year's Eve. I don't know why. Maybe it is because I stayed up half the night finishing the last book I needed to complete to officially meet my Goodreads reading goal for the year. I did it! Hurray! Maybe it's because so much is going to change for my family in the coming year ... and I'm not terribly enthusiastic about all the changes. Maybe it's because it's cloudy outside. I think I'll blame the horrible New Year's song that we HAVE to sing at church. Every. Single. Year. Ring Out, Wild Bells. Sorry to all you fans out there, but I really, really cannot stand that song. You can check it out HERE if you'd like. The lyrics are okay ... I guess. But the music in its minor key is just so horribly, horribly depressing. I know what it is like to be the chorister and have to choose relevant music for the day, and I know that this is one that is suggested for New Year's, but really, do we have to ring in the new year with such a sorrowful ballad?  Spencer had a heyday yesterday while we were singing it. He turned it into a ballad of death. I can't explain it. You'd have to have heard his enthusiasm as he sang yesterday. Our poor section of people were about in tears as we attempted to stay reverent in the face of his jubilation as he sang. I'm afraid he is going to turn into one of those people who love this song. Oh well. There are worst futures, I'm sure.

But anyway ...

Do you know what is going to happen in 2013? Well, lots of lovely things, I'm sure. But in our family Laney will graduate from high school, head to college (in Idaho!), and then leave for an 18-month mission for our church ... somewhere. It is here ... faster than I ever imagined. Those older ladies who would stop me in church to admire my little newborn Laney who said to me wistfully, "Enjoy these times, Melissa. They fly away so quickly, and before you know it, they'll be grown and gone." ... Well, it was super hard to believe them then when I was elbow deep in dirty diapers and sleepless nights and endlessly wandering the halls of church, hoping to keep my restless baby from disturbing the spiritual experience of everyone else. But they were so right. It seems as if I just blinked and all of the years melted away, leaving me precious few months with my family intact, all together, in one place.

And I'm not ready.

I think about myself at eighteen and what was getting ready to happen to me. I had NO idea what the Lord had in store for me. No idea at all. I was headed out. That's all I cared about. I was heading into my future, bright with all the potential in the world. Little did I know that I would join the Church of Jesus Christ less than a year later and be happily married to my very own Prince Charming by the time I was twenty-one. A mom at twenty-three. I could have never guessed. I would have been flabbergasted if anyone had suggested that that would be my future when I was eighteen and graduating high school. But I am so very, very grateful that that was the future I was given.

Still, if FREAKS me out to think that this sort of future could be Laney's as well so very, very soon. When I was getting married at twenty-one I sure felt like I was mature and perfectly capable of taking that step. But wow! Looking at things from my perspective now it just seems so very young.

But I think what really freaks me out about this whole leaving-the-house thing is that Laney will now be making some serious life decisions out on her own. She is strong and capable. She really does have a good head on her shoulders. She really does attempt to seek out the Spirit to guide her decisions, especially the big ones. So as far as preparation, she is about as prepared as they come.

Still ...

I guess I would rather not have her hurt out there in the big, wide world. That's it, I think. Making mistakes is part of our personal growth, but it isn't the fun part. And I wish that I could protect Laney from all the bozos out there. And it seems as if there are an awful lot of bozos out there. But there are amazing, wonderful people as well. Lots of them. I just wish that I could personally escort her through the world, helping her to avoid heartache and sorrow. It is a royal bummer that I can't.

Do you know what I want for Laney in these few years to come?

I want for her to find friends in the world who respect her and love her with a friendship that is deep and everlasting. I don't want these friendships to be the superficial kind that wither away at the first sign of trouble. I want these  friendships to be the types of friendships that allow her to be exactly who she is. She should never feel the need to justify her behavior or her beliefs with these good friends. She should never feel like she has to play a role around these friends. She should just be herself. And they should love her for it. Admire her for it. And be truly happy around her.

I want for her to discover exactly what she is destined to do in this world. Well, that's sort of a loaded statement. What exactly does that mean ... destined? It could mean so many things. But in this case, I think that I mean that I want for her to discover a path of study in school that inspires her. She is a smart girl and a creative girl and a talented girl. She could do so many things. I want her to find that area of study that brings her real joy. And outside of academics, I want for her to find ways to make a difference in the world that are meaningful to her. She is a service minded young woman, and there are so many ways that she could serve in this world. I want for her to find those ways to help other people that will bring her ultimate satisfaction in this world. I want her to find true joy as she serves her mission, something that she has wanted to do for a very long time. She has all those qualities to be successful. She is kind. She is patient. She is enthusiastic. She is adventurous (in some ways). She is willing. She'll do wonderfully.

I want her to find a love that is everlasting and eternal with an amazing young man out there who will adore her completely. I don't want her to marry the first bloke who looks at her and thinks, "Well, hmm ... I guess. ...why not?" No. I want for a young man to look at Laney and see a princess. I want for him to see her and decide that he would be willing to move mountains to win her approval and then continue to move those mountains to maintain a solid and eternal relationship with her. I want him to approach her with confidence as he recognizes her wonderful qualities and believes that his life will only be more full and more perfect if she is part of it. I want for him to see her as the most beautiful girl on the planet. I want for him to be her very best friend. Her confidant. Her rock. ... but I am a hopeless romantic (sigh).

But I guess that most of all I just want for her to be happy. I want for her to look back at her life when she is an old woman and think, "I couldn't have done much better than I did. I am content with who I am and what I've accomplished." You can't ask for much better in life, I think.

So today I'm a bit sad as I think about Laney's adventurous new year. It is the way of life, though, that children eventually pack up and leave home to forge their own way in this world. If I'd recognized the sorrow that these sorts of transitions can bring to parents, I think that I might have been a bit more thoughtful toward my own parents as I headed into the sunset so many years ago. I know, at least, that we've done as much as we could to lay a good foundation for her, and she has already shown a willingness to add to and strengthen that foundation on her own. There may be stumbles and trials along her path, but I have total confidence that she will be able to maneuver around them. So I should stop my worrying and trust that it'll all work out to her good. Like I could ever actually stop worrying. But I could try, right?

For now I think I'll put on my 2013 party hat, get started making a crockpot full of bacon wrapped smokies ... just because, grab some hot chocolate topped with a cup of whipped cream, and just celebrate my family and all of the wonderful memories we made in 2012 and those wonderful memories that are destined to find their way to us in 2013. Life is good. Very. Very. Good.

Laney. Ready to take on the world!