The Saga Continues ... with Progress

From the moment we first laid our natural eyes on Minsy we have wondered about her age. No matter how official a Chinese document might look, no matter what the 'experts' say about the likelihood of those documents being absolutely true, no matter what ... we just could not believe that this little tiny girl was actually the age that the Chinese claimed her to be. If she was super tiny, but acted older we might have been able to wrap our heads around the idea of her being an amazingly small child, but that was not the case. We had a girl who looked about two and acted about two, but who was officially four. Since that initial meeting Minsy has grown, both in size and in intelligence, and yet she still doesn't look like the five year-old she is supposed to be. 

So we've headed to specialists. Specialist after specialist after specialist ... and gotten widely different opinions about what Minsy's age might actually be ... sometimes opposite opinions from the same exact doctor! Check it all out here, if you're interested. Crazy! ... Frustrating. 

The latest medical opinion is that Minsy has the bone age of a three year-old, with an actual body size that is still on the low end of the scale for that age. If she is five, she doesn't even measure on the chart -- technically < 1% (that symbol should be a 'less than' symbol. It has been WAY too long since I have taken math). So she is super small. Our pediatric endocrinologist suggested that we just go ahead and change the age, and as long as he knows what we have done, he can be aware of any abnormalities in growth that might show up with a significant change in age. This (of course) goes in direct opposition to the advice we got from the pediatrician in St. Louis who is an expert in international adoptions. We either keep her age the same, or we move it back. Basically it was going to be up to us to decide what to do. Ugh! The pressure!

Well, it appears as if we finally have found a reason to make a final decision ... 

The school system!

Minsy has been attending the PACE preschool provided by the Waynesville district all year. Despite her official age of five, she has been attending the three year-old class. In that class she is definitely behind the rest of her 'peers.' She has not mastered or even begun to master any of the age appropriate skills that her class is working on. They love her in that class, and she has learned so much. The difference between Minsy in September and Minsy today is amazing, but she is extremely delayed compared to other three year-olds. They allowed her to stay in this environment because there was some belief that some of Minsy's delays might be due to language issues, but according to our pediatric specialist, that should not be much of an issue after being in the US for over a year now. So language is not the problem.

We needed to get Minsy started with Occupational Therapy, Physical Therapy, and Speech Therapy through the district, so they needed to do a complete evaluation. This would finally give us some baseline information about her cognitive skills as well as physical and social skills. That took place at the beginning of the month. Legally, the school had to test her at her official age, so she was tested as a five year-old. And she scored really, REALLY low. I could tell that the school personnel were trying to break the news to us gently. Her IQ tested at a 59, which is barely a functional level. That is super low. And frankly, I don't believe that at all. Not at all. Do I think that Minsy has significant cognitive issues that will need to be addressed? Yes. Is it possible that she has significant learning disabilities? Yes. Do I think that she is only barely functional? NOT AT ALL. No way is her IQ that low! No way. They explained their tests. I can appreciate their tests. I am sure on the average (or not-so-average) kid those tests would be fairly accurate. But I am not convinced that Minsy is able to work with test administrators in such a way that would give an accurate picture of her abilities. So many factors, including her ability to trust others, that are present because of her adoption could make those tests a bit inaccurate. So I wasn't buying these results at all.

But really, that diagnosis was neither here nor there. Whether the scores were accurate or not, it is still apparent to everyone that Minsy needed more intensive educational experiences than she was receiving through the PACE program. She was going to have to move to the ECSE (Early Childhood Special Education) program in the same building. Basically it is the same sort of preschool, but she will be in a class of six with a teacher and two para-professionals. The learning will be individualized to go at her pace. She works on something until she masters it. Then she moves on. That is exactly what Minsy would need. So whether her IQ is 59 or 79 or 99 ... it doesn't matter. What matters is that she needs extra help, and she's going to get it.

But here is where the age question finally got answered for us. If Minsy is actually five, it means that she has to enter kindergarten next year. Well, she doesn't have to. Legally we don't have to enroll her in kindergarten. And there is always the option of home schooling if we want. (But we don't. I know that that is not the right answer for her). But the main point was that she would not be able to continue to receive early childhood special education services through the district, even if we wanted to get them. Once a child turns six they are ineligible to receive that assistance through early childhood ed. She would only continue to receive assistance if she was in kindergarten. So the choice basically was to send a tiny, tiny child with the skills of a three year-old (on a good day) to kindergarten or keep her at home with me (and although I don't mind hanging with Minsy all day, I don't think that that is the best way to maximize her intellectual growth). 

But there was a third option.

We have been toying around with the idea of pushing Minsy's age back two years since she has a made up birthday anyway, making her officially three and a half. This would give her two more years in the ESCE program ... two more years to grow physically, emotionally, socially, and intellectually. If her IQ truly is low, it will still allow her to have those extra years to maximize whatever potential for learning she might have, even if she never gets to the point where she can progress at a normal rate through school with her peers. BUT, if she is only delayed a bit, having the extra two years of early childhood intervention could be the difference between her failing miserably in school because of beginning kindergarten woefully unprepared, and having a more successful experience because she is entering school with the skills needed to succeed. As we sat with the district assessment team to talk about what would be best for Minsy, all of us agreed that the best option would be to change Minsy's age officially. They even went back and rescored her tests with the new age and found that although she would still be significantly delayed, all of the sudden it was within a more workable range, if that makes more sense. There was now hope that perhaps she could get to a point where she could succeed in a regular school environment. Now, of course, all of the improvement in the scores, will mean nothing if she truly is five and the test results are accurate. It could be that we are only delaying receiving the same exact outcome when she is retested in three years. But, worst case, she still receives two extra years of services from the district, giving her two extra years to get the most from her education as she prepares for life outside of school.

So we're going to do it. We're going to make her three officially. I think that we'll wait until we see the endocrinologist in March, just so we get that medical okay that will make me feel better at least. I feel really good about her entering the ECSE classroom. Her teacher seems wonderful, and it seems like she will have an opportunity to really learn a lot once she gets comfortable. Minsy really is a pleasure to have in class because she is generally happy and loves to learn. She has an enthusiasm for learning new things that makes teaching fun. I think that the district will be surprised at the progress she makes in that environment. Minsy is already showing a bit of hesitation about changing classes, but hopefully we can ease her into the change. She doesn't have to start the new class until after President's Day weekend, and her teacher, Mrs. Cobb, is bringing down to her new class for a few minutes each day, so that she can get ready to come to Ms. Shawna's class. It should be okay. I hope.

Now that we have made a final decision about Minsy's age, I feel a certain amount of peace. There is still a great deal of uncertainty about the future, especially regarding Minsy's ultimate capacity to learn. Those questions will begin to become more clear in the next two years as she becomes more and more comfortable with speaking the language and expressing herself. We still have a lot of adventure ahead of us, but at least, finally, we can move past this age issue and get on with the business of living. I'm super grateful to be living in a place with such a wonderful school district. I'm grateful to be married to a man with an intimate knowledge of how the education system works. And even more so, I'm grateful to have such a loving, happy little girl with us in this adventure. We may not know how this journey is going to turn out, but we know that we'll have lots of joy taking it!