A Story of Three Mothers

Still waiting.  Waiting can be pure madness at times.  I think that I am a relatively patient person, but when I have some sort of expectation of a timeline in my mind, I start to make plans in my head.  My plans for this adoption travel to China are not going according to schedule.  But, oh well, what can I do?  I hoping to hear something by the end of this week.  If there is any good news to come from the delay in getting our travel approval from China it is that we will be traveling to China after all of the major holidays and trade shows that will raise our cost of travel.  With taking the whole family on our trip it is going to cost a pretty penny to get us there.  Any amount of money saved on the trip will make Herman happy.

Lesson for today:  Any Pennies Saved = Happy Herman. 

Still, it is time to get sweet Minsy home.  At least I am super grateful that while she is in China she is being cared for by a loving foster family.  But I'm super ready for us to start our journey with her as a family.

While I have been waiting during these last several months I have often found myself thinking of Minsy's three mothers -- her birth mother, her foster mother, and me, her adoptive mother.  The chances are fairly slim that we will ever know anything about Minsy's birth mother.  That makes me sad for Minsy because I know that she will probably one day be curious to know about her birth mother, but there will be little that we can do to help her find more information.  China doesn't really have the sort of open records that would allow us to do any good investigation to find this mother.  However, I have my own ideas about this woman.  I believe that Minsy's birth mother loved her deeply.  In my research I have found that many children with special needs who are abandoned in China are abandoned at a very early age.  Minsy, however, was abandoned around the age of 16 months.  Someone obviously cared for her in those early months of her life because when she was found she was well-nourished and happy.  This little world is only inside my head, but I sincerely believe that Minsy's mother loved her dearly and only abandoned her when her ability to care for her became impossible.  Although medical care to help Minsy with her club feet is available in China, it is not always accessible to the general public.  The cost of care prohibits many from getting any medical care that they may need.  If Minsy's mother was poor, as I believe, she may have believed that Minsy would have a better future if she was abandoned to the state.  I don't believe that this decision was an easy one for Minsy's birth mother.  I believe that she held on to Minsy for as long as she possibly could, and that is why Minsy was so much older when she was abandoned.  This mother didn't just abandon her anywhere.  She made sure that Minsy was at the local police station where they could take care of her.  When Minsy arrived at the orphanage, they found that she could say the word "Mother" over and over.  I know that Minsy knew and loved her birth mother.  She called her "Mother."  I believe with all of my heart that I have a solemn responsibility to Minsy's birth mother to love her and care for her in the best way that I know how.  I believe that one day (probably in the hereafter) I will have the opportunity to meet this woman and account for how I have cared for Minsy.  I believe that when I meet her I will be able to tell her just how grateful I am for her giving birth to Minsy and trusting that I would be there to give her all that she needs to grow up to her full potential in this life.  I honor this birth mother, and I will continue to honor her each day of my life as I care for her sweet daughter.

Minsy also has been blessed to have a second mother -- her foster mother in China.  I knew from the moment I read Minsy's case file just how much this mother loved her.  We had read several files which introduce a potential adoptive child to a potential adoptive parent.  They are all pretty nice, but most that we read were relatively short, only giving the basic information about the child.  But Minsy's description was long and detailed.  You can read the whole thing here:

http://merrymeditations.blogspot.com/2011/08/for-those-who-havent-heard-yet.html

Minsy's foster family provided detailed information about little things that she did each day to show her love and concern for her family.  It was heart-warming to read this story about Minsy.  I could feel the love that this couple had for this little girl.  There are so many terrible things that can happen to young children who are in some orphanages throughout the world.  I am so grateful that Minsy lives in a province where so many foster families are available to care for these children.  I believe that it will be a positive influence that Minsy has had, being in a family where she can experience the love of a family unit.  It may be difficult for her at first to come to our family because we will not be this family that she has grown to love, but I think that ultimately she will come to see the same positive family relationships in our own family, and that will help her to form a strong bond with us.  I know that in Wuhan they do not allow adoptive parents to have contact with foster families.  If I want to communicate with them I will need to send a message through the orphanage.  I am pretty bummed out about this, because I would really, really love to meet this wonderful woman who has not only given of her substance to aid Minsy, but she has given her love to her.  She has given Minsy the opportunity to know what it is to grow up in an environment full of love and security.  Minsy will be the child that she is because of the love and sacrifice of this wonderful lady.  I will do whatever I can to help this family to know everything I can about Minsy's life as she grows up in our home.  I feel this connection to this woman for some reason, and I want her to know that I will love Minsy with all of my heart.

And then there is me.  I believe with all of my heart that Minsy had two mothers in China who loved her and wanted the best for her.  I believe that they both found that, for whatever reason, they would not be the ones who would raise Minsy into adulthood.  I believe that they were praying that somewhere in the world someone would come who would be able to care for Minsy and love her eternally.  I still don't know exactly why we were the ones to be inspired to do this, but I do believe absolutely that Heavenly Father inspired a father in Missouri to pursue adoption and add another child to his already large family.  I believe that when Herman approached me with his feelings, Heavenly Father then let me know without a doubt that I was supposed to be an adoptive mom.  He led our adoption coordinator to Minsy's file, and she led us to Minsy.  I believe all of this.  I'm positive that I'm not the world's greatest mom -- not in a long shot.  There are lots of ladies out there who could do this much better than me, but I believe that in some way I was meant to be Minsy's mama.  Her two other mamas needed me to be her mama.  With all of this difficult waiting, I still know that this will be the easy part.  The hard part starts when Minsy comes home and we get to spend time figuring out exactly who we are in relation to one another.  I am sure that there will be some bumps in the road, but I just have this feeling that we will connect to one another naturally.  I don't think that is just wishful thinking.  It might be.  But I feel like Heavenly Father has given me a responsibility here.  I'll have things that I need to learn, but I also have a wealth of knowledge and experience that I can share as well.  I want to be the very best mama that Minsy could ever hope for.  I want to not only do it for her, but for her two mothers who will remain in China.  I owe it to her (and to them). 

I know that lots of readers will already know this song, but I heard it again today, and it hit me as a future adoptive parent in a way that it never did before.  It is well known in LDS circles, I think.  For those who haven't heard it, Michael McLean is a gifted songwriter, but not so great of a singer.  However, his poor singing somehow makes this song almost more touching.  The words don't exactly match this experience for me, but they are close.  This is a song called "From God's Arms to My Arms to Yours," and it is a song that Michael wrote for a young woman who was unmarried and found herself pregnant.  After some soul searching she decided that she wanted to give her baby up for adoption so that a family who was able and willing could give her child a good home.  I have heard him sing this a few times at Time Out for Women, and it is powerful every time I hear it.  Today as I heard this song I thought about my Minsy's two mothers in China.  I thought about what a difficult decision it is to give up a child, and I thought about how they were depending on me to let Minsy know just how much they cared for her.  I think this song paints the picture better than I ever could.  I thought that there would be a lot more youtube videos of the song, but it was slim pickins.  This was the best video I could find.  This was Michael performing at an adoption conference in Utah a few years ago.  I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

I consider myself truly blessed to be one of three mothers lucky enough to have the opportunity to share my life and love with Eliza Ruth QingMin Blau.  I know that Heavenly Father knows her.  He knows me.  And He knows Minsy's birth mother and foster mother.  He's looking out for us.  And now (hopefully very soon) I will be looking out for a precious daughter for Him.