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| Eliza Ruth QingMin Blau |
So . . . we are soon becoming a family of nine. That's right -- nine! It has been a year-long process that involved a lot of paperwork for a few months, and then waiting, and waiting, and waiting. We are nearing the end of our journey, though. Hurray!
The following is a copy of the note that I wrote on facebook announcing our adoption and explaining how we got to that point. Skip it if you've already read it because I have more detailed info about Minsy at the end of this post.
WE'RE EXPECTING!!!!
After an eight month process, we are finally ready to officially announce that a new little Blau girl is on the way!!! This is something that has been in the works since last August, but we probably should explain. We have six super wonderful children, and until last August we were perfectly happy with our perfectly happy family. But, we believe that our Heavenly Father has a plan for us, and sometimes those plans are different than we expect, so we are always trying to know what those plans should be. So, last August Herman had put on a back to school workshop for a school district in northern Louisiana and was making the long drive home. He was (no kidding) on the Road to Damascus, Arkansas, and as he is totally apt to do, he was speeding along, not paying attention to the change in speed limits that come with the many small towns in Arkansas. While he was driving he was listening to an audio tape called Major League Dad about a major league baseball pitcher who had adopted some special needs children with his wife and then left his successful career to take care of them. While listening to this tape Herman felt an overwhelming impression that we were supposed to adopt. He called me and asked me my thoughts about adoption. I come from a family of adoption, so it isn't a completely foreign idea to me, but I really hadn't given it much thought at all in our marriage. So Herman's comment took me completely by surprise. But, I do have total and complete faith in Herman's faith, and if he feels like we are being prompted to do something, I am ready to jump on board without question. We were in the midst of this conversation when there, outside Damascus, Herman was pulled over for the second time in less than an hour. That pretty much guaranteed that he was getting a ticket, so we got off the phone, and I took some time to think things over. Herman does a much better job telling this part of the story, but to make a long story shorter . . . You know how Herman is quite a talker? Well, while the officer is working the ticket Herman decides to ask him his feelings about adoption. It turns out that this officer was adopted, and he had wonderful things to say about his experience and his adoptive parents. Herman was more convinced than ever that we were supposed to head down this road of adoption. After some prayer and consideration I joined in the ride.by Melissa Landis Blau on Tuesday, March 29, 2011 at 10:11am
We did quite a bit of research and decided that we would adopt internationally after weighing pros and cons of everything. With our family size it limited the countries available to us, and that's a good thing. I don't do well when I have too many choices. As it was, it was still super daunting to decide between the few we were offered. We decided to go with China Waiting Child, which are children in China who are either older or have some sort of disability. We started working with an awesome agency, Wasatch International Adoptions, and our journey really began. Mostly it has been a bureaucratic journey because of all of the crazy paperwork I have had to collect, but that's something I usually don't mind doing, so it hasn't been horrible -- just time consuming. Right now I need to throw out some thanks to people who really helped us during this part of the process: Jan -- the best notary in the country, I'm sure, Amanda -- the best nurse for getting all our medical records together, and to Mom and Dad Landis, Laurenda, Danielle, Amanda, and Tom and Deena for glossing over our many faults and making us look good in your recommendations for our home study. Thanks!
And, the home study. Oy! What a process! There's nothing fun about opening up your life to a hopefully impartial judge to see if we have what it takes to be adoptive parents. But, I probably spent more time worrying about it than it was worth. We had a great social worker, and our home study actually makes us look so good that I sometimes wonder if she was really remembering her visits with our family the right way. But, we survived!
And now for the new little Blau girl. Her name is Wu QingMin, and she is 3 1/2 years old. We are debating what to do with her name, because some adoptive parents change the name, and some don't. We are leaning toward giving her a Western first name, but keeping QingMin as her middle name so that she can have the opportunity to choose for herself what name to use when she gets older. Plus, her Chinese name actually has a little bit of significance because Min was the name of the policewoman who rescued her after being abandoned, so we want to keep that. Her foster mom and dad call her Minsy, and we think that is cute, so that will probably be our little nickname for her too. She has a unique history compared to many of the Chinese children we have looked at. She was a little older when someone left her at the police station -- they guessed around 14 months old. No one knows anything about her before then, but she could say "mama" when they found her, so obviously someone had been taking care of her up to then. She has been living with a foster family. The parents are older with a grown son who is in college, so Minsy has been the queen of the castle for awhile, and it is obvious by the report we read that her foster parents really love her a bunch. That will ultimately be a great thing that Minsy had such a loving environment to grow in as she was growing up. But, at first I imagine that she will be pretty freaked out coming to America to our large and loud family. But, we will survive, and I'm sure that it will be a good situation for all of us soon. Minsy has club feet. The good news is that she can walk on them already, so it isn't a super severe case, but she hasn't had a lot of work on them up to now, so she'll need to be seen right away by someone in the US to plan her treatment so that they can be repaired. I'm super grateful for the help our awesome doctor, Dr. Karls, has offered to us as we looked over medical files, and also to my new facebook buddy Katrina Sanders who has lots of experience with club feet. (I will probably be depending on you a lot in the near future Katrina! So many questions!)
So, now that we have locked her in as our child we just have to work through more bureaucracy to get her home. We are waiting for approval from Homeland Security saying that we are good people so that China is willing to send her to our country. Then there are a few more Homeland Security things we have to do so that she can be legally adopted and brought back home through immigration. China also has a few things to do on their end too. Hopefully, we can get travel approval and a court date in China for sometime this summer. Our plan was to take the whole family, but for some reason when we checked today the prices for tickets to China have doubled in price in the last month or so, and although we would love for all of our family to be there, we aren't quite willing to sell a kidney for it. Hopefully the prices will drop before we have to travel. Otherwise just Herman and I will travel. I can't wait!
I feel in a weird way like this has been a virtual pregnancy for me. I've gained 15 pounds since this started, and I can't stop eating, thinking, dreaming about chocolate. Why can't that be a legitimate food group?!!!! I'm tired all the time and can't get anything done, it seems. And, I swear that today I woke up with psychological morning sickness after we found out last night that Minsy was ours. Craziness! But, it's all good. I've worked through all of this six times before, so I should be a pro by now.
Many people might wonder why we would choose to adopt when we already have a super large family, at least compared to the average family size in the US. I have had way too many conversations with people in the lines at the grocery store wondering at my cartload full of gallons of milk, cereal bags, bread, etc. When I explain how many are in our family I often get the "Birth Control Talk" because people are worried I might have slept through that day of class, I guess. The things that people are willing to bring up in conversations with strangers at grocery store lines is mind boggling to me! But the truth is something that some may accept and some might think is insane -- We simply believe that this is what Heavenly Father has asked us to do. We don't question it because we know that this is right for our family at this time in our life. It may be because of something that we are meant to learn. It may be because Minsy's foster family was unable to adopt her for some reason and was praying that some good family would choose to accept her. Who knows? I just feel in my heart that she is meant to be here with us right now, and we are doing all we can to make that happen. We'll be in super need of everyone's prayers as the time draws nearer to Minsy coming home. She'll need all the help she can get to begin to feel comfortable in a new country with a new language, new foods, new customs, and a brand new raucous family to join. Hopefully, we'll be up to the task. But I know Heavenly Father will be with us, no matter what!
So, that was my post from March. Obviously we were not able to get everything done so that we could travel this summer. We are now looking like we will be traveling sometime around the first part of October. We'll find out soon -- maybe in around three weeks we'll know for sure.
We can announce that we have decided that her American name will be Eliza Ruth QingMin Blau. We knew that we wanted to keep QingMin because that is her Chinese name, and it has significance. We still plan on calling her Minsy as her family in China calls her now. But we wanted to add an American first name in case someday she'll want to choose to use it. Whether she does or not is her decision. We chose Ruth almost right off the bat because of this scripture in Ruth 1:16 which says:
And Ruth said, Intreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God.We thought that was particularly meaningful as a scripture for a little girl who is leaving behind the country and culture she has known all her life to join our family, our country, and our culture. We will make every effort to ensure that she does not lose all of her cultural attachment to China or the Chinese people, but this move will be a major change for her. She is a modern day pioneer. Amazing!
So, anyway, just using Ruth QingMin as her name didn't ever just roll off the tongue for me, so I felt like we needed something else. We looked over countless baby name websites. We thought about names that might have personal significance for us -- you know, our heroes, friends, and family. Nothing really worked. I would find names that I liked, and Herman would find names that he liked, but neither of us could agree on anything. Well, I was getting frustrated. I felt like I could really start to bond with Minsy even more if I could have a better idea of what her full name would be, and once August hit, I felt like we were long past the time when we needed to have decided something. I'm not sure what prompted us, but one day Herman asked me what I thought of the name Eliza. Eliza had been on one of my lists, and it was the first time both of us could agree on a name. Eliza Ruth QingMin sounded right to me, and I knew that that was the name she was meant to have. There are some great Eliza's in history and literature -- Elizabeth Bennet from Pride and Prejudice, Eliza R. Snow from church history, Elisabeth from the Bible, her super cousin Elisabeth, etc. We didn't really choose the name because of any of these great ladies, but, hey, it doesn't hurt to share your name with some awesome examples. We are still planning on calling her Minsy, so it is possible that Minsy will not even think about her full name unless she has to write it for school and applications later in life. Hopefully, she will grow to love it. We really put a lot of thought into all of our children's names, and all of them have loved them. Once a year or so ago we joked with Hyrum that we were going to change his name to something else. He got all teary-eyed and begged us not to change the name he loved so much. That meant a lot to us, because we had given a lot of thought to his name. It is pretty unusual, and I always felt like it sounded like a really old man name, but as he has grown, we have found that Hyrum is a Hyrum. His name fits him perfectly, and we're glad he likes it. Not every child with an unusual name likes their name.
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| Minsy in China |
I wanted to share the info we got from the orphanage about Minsy when we chose to adopt her. I loved getting this information. We had looked through several different possibilities, and it was interesting to see the difference it what information was included in the paperwork with each child. For some children it was very minimal -- maybe 6 to 10 lines of typing. But with Minsy there was almost an entire page of information. It is obvious when reading her info that her foster family really, really, loves her. They included so much that really gave some insight into her personality. When reading this information, keep in mind that it is a translation from the Chinese, so some of the phrasing is awkward, but it's understandable. I'll give some of my thoughts on this information at the end. Here is the info we received from the orphanage:
I loved reading about how much love seemed to be in her foster family. I loved to see that Minsy was loving to them in return. What is more important than that? Some people have wondered why her foster family does not adopt her if they have all this love for her. Well, I can't say for sure, but generally, I can say that it is not always as easy to adopt in China as it is in the US. It is extremely expensive, and that prevents a lot of people from adopting. Also, not everyone is eligible to adopt, and maybe her family is not eligible for one reason or another. I also know a few foster families here in the US, and they have so much love in their hearts that they wish to share with others, but they are meant to be a transitional family -- bridging the gap between the loss of a child's biological parents (for whatever reason) to their eventual uniting with their permanent adoptive family. These foster families are essential and important, and just because they do not ultimately end up adopting the children in their care, it does not lessen their wonderful impact on the lives of those children.
Wu Qingmin, female, DOB: Sep.1 2007(estimated), on Jan.17 2009 was found at the Xinhualu Station of Jianghan District, Wuhan City, and Jianghan PassengerStation police station of Traffic Branch of bureau of public security of Wuhan city picked her up, and on the same day sent her to this institute to raised until now. On admission, Wu Qingmin wore flower cotton-padded clothes, black cotton-padded trousers and flower cotton-padded shoes. After examination by doctors in this institute, she was 7.5kg in weight, 62cm in height, 44cm in head size, and 43cm in chest size, had 14teeth, her heart and liver were normal by AUSC, she suffered from deformity of varus feet. She was estimated that she was 1year and 4months old according to her 14 teeth and saying mother on admission; so her DOB was confirmed as Sep.1 2007, and she was named as Wu Qingmin. Wu stands for Social Welfare Institute of Wuhan City, Qing means all the children have the middle name in that month, Min means on the one hand the policewoman who sent her to this institute has the name, and on the other hand we hope she will be clever and dexterity. On admission Wu Qingmin only could sit; she couldn’t stand with being held her armpits, and she had varus feet. Teacher fed her milk, steamed egg, porridge, and noodle, and she could eat. After observation of the week, she was not abnormal, and on Jan.24 2009 she was sent to the family to be fostered. Because the brother of foster family had grown up and studied out of town, the father and mother loved the daughter very much. Mother bought many new clothes for her. At the age of 1 year and 5months, the specialist physician whowas employed by the institute went to the family to have the massage and rehabilitation for her; when the doctors carried out the massage for her, she would shout “No”loudly. The institute ordered the appropriate orthotic device. After rehabilitation, at the age of 1 year and 6months she could walk with one hand held; she could eat melon seeds and candies with peeling herself; she could understand adult’s words; if the families spoke to her loudly, she would be unhappy; she had good imitation, she could do after watching once; she could do the action of Goodbye, Welcome and Prositaccording to the orders. At the age of 2 years she could walk alone; could speak the words of Give, Beat, Eat, Watch TV, Play on the street, and Dance; could call Uncle, Aunt, Jiajia and Grandpa on her own initiativewhen meeting the acquaintance; she could remember thechildren’s name who often went to her home; she could fill a bowl with rice by the scoop, and put rice to her mouth, but part of rice would fall down on the floor. At the age of 2 years and 6months she could walk steadily, could speak a sentence of 3-4 words; could speak out her needs on her own initiative; could know numerals of 1-10; sometime when she sat the unfamiliar objects, she would tell mother by gesture back home, and let mother told her what that was.Now she is 3 years, she can do some small things what she can do on her own initiative; she will put the shoes in order after families enter the house; when mothertrims vegetables for cooking by squatting, she will go to take the bench for mother. But she is introverted outdoors, and is not talkative. When she plays in the downstairs, if she founds neighbor’s water is boiling, she will pull mother and point to that with finger, meaning that the water is boiling; encouraged by her mother, she musters up her courageand runs to shout“grandma, it is boiling”. She needs to be reminded of her defecation and urination; she will go to toilet while playing, with pulling the toilet paper long and playing there. At the same time she likes to watch cartoon and children’s programs, she will eat melon seeds while watching TV; if she doesn’t like the TV program, she will turn off TV, and then draw with holding pencil sitting on the desk; only mother shout “Minzi, come to wash”, she will be sensible to take her towel and washbasin to the toilet, and let mother wash for her. She also will love mother; when mother finishes and rests, she will go to carry out massage of arms and back for mother; if getting the delicious food, she will leave some for mother. She has routine life; she has breakfast at 8:30, lunch at 11:30, noon nap between 12:30-15:00, snacks at 16:00, supper at 18:00 and goes to bed at 20:30; she loves to drink milk before sleep or after getting up; the favoritefood of breakfast are quail egg, egg, and pastry and so on; the food of lunch and supper are usually rice or noodles, favorite food are fish, meat, bean curd, white gourd, radish and tomato; favorite fruit are bananas, watermelon; her favorite food is yoghourt; she has sound sleep at night. Now she is 72cm in height, 9kg in weight, 45cm in head size and 45cm in chest size, has20teeth. Except her short height and deformity of varus feet, her other development are normal.We has let her to be vaccinated according to the plan, once for BCG, OPV 3 times, JEV once, MV 4 times, DPT 4times, HBV 3 times, EMV 2 times, and will finish others on time.
Director: XXXChildren’s Welfare Institute of Wuhan CityNov.30 2010
So, I don't know why Minsy's foster family cannot adopt her, but I will be eternally grateful for them and all that they have given to her in the last few years. I really hope that I can meet them when we are in China, but I know that that is not really allowed, so we'll see what happens. If I can't meet them, I'll at least throw up some mighty prayers in gratitude for them. That should make a difference a little, right?
It really broke my heart to see that Minsy had been abandoned at the age of 16 months. That is older than many of the children who are abandoned in China. I have some thoughts about that, but I'm going to save it for my next post. I feel like Minsy was in a family who was trying to care for her but just couldn't. When the report mentions that she could say the word 'mother' when she was found, tells me that she had a relationship with her mother until then. Wow! I just can't bring up any words that can properly say just how sad that made me to think about how difficult this decision must have been for that mother and how traumatic that must have been for a little girl who was not quite 18 months old at the time.
So, that brings us up to date on the info we have on Minsy up to this time. I hope to get some new info soon, and when I do I'll post it. What a blessing to be involved in this process. It is just another event in my life that further shows that we have a living God who knows us, loves us, and will guide us on the path that WE need to be on to fulfill all He has in store for us. What a journey!
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| Minsy playing in a park near her home in China |
So excited for the Blaus! We will be traveling to visit our families in October and will be thinking of you guys traveling just a couple countries away.
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