A Profile in Courage

My daughter, Laney, is proof that Karma does not exist -- at least not for me.   It would seem that the universe would require that I would be blessed with a difficult teenage daughter to make up for my own deep shortcomings as a teenage daughter myself.  However, I have been blessed with a daughter who is wise, humble, cautious, caring, and willing to do what it takes to do the things she knows she should do.  Laney often explains that she was a bad daughter during her junior high years, but I honestly can't imagine what she is talking about.  I think she is just comparing her actions to her own high standards now, while I was comparing her to what my low standards had been at that same age.  She strives daily to make decisions that are good, righteous choices that will lead her in the direction she is striving for.  Parenting is a breeze for a child such as this.  So, all of this leads to what happened today.  Today I withdrew Laney from Waynesville High School.  Let me just rephrase that so that it can sink more into my head because I am still amazed that those words were typed on my blog -- Today Laney dropped out of high school.  I can't help but hear the words to "Beauty School Dropout" every time I think of this.  I would have never thought that this would be a decision that I would agree to as a parent, yet here I stand, having made that decision.

Here's the history of how we got to this point:

I would never think of myself as a home-school parent.  I have great respect for those who choose that path, but it has never been appealing to me at all.  First of all, to be successful at this you really need to be a dedicated, organized, and driven parent.  I have seen too many children who are home-schooled who can barely read and write.  They are wonderful children, but they lack adequate academic progress in many ways.  Those parents who I have known who are successful at home-schooling are extremely organized and dedicate many hours a day to making the experience for their children a good one.  I am not that kind of parent.  I am laid back and fairly disorganized, and I would not be doing any good for my kids to lead their learning experiences at home.  I always have good intentions, but I know myself well enough to know that I would fall flat soon enough.  Also, I happen to love our school district.  There are very talented teachers who are wonderful, and I have never worried about their experiences in the schools.  It helps that I feel as if we have several people within the district looking out for us, and all of my children have progressed remarkably well in this district. There are some who make this decision to keep their children away from the bad influences of the world.  I totally understand this, and I don't criticize this decision in any way, but for me and my family, I think that all of us have to deal with bad influence from the world at some point, and I would much rather this happen for my children when I am around to help them navigate this world, rather than when they are on their own after they leave home.  It's just my personal feeling about this.  There are a lot of kids who go to school with my children who are good, good young men and women.  They are navigating this difficult road also, and it is good for them to see that there are others who are making good choices and working to stay above the crud of the world with them.  Our children are self-assured and strong.  They know who they are and where they are going.  Unlike me, who had so many insecurities and constantly tried to act a role that was not my own in order to seek approval from others, my children are themselves.  They are examples to others and avoid the things that keep them from making those right choices.  So that's my original thoughts about withdrawing my children from school.

Now for specifics about Laney's situation . . . Laney has gone to EFY (Especially for Youth) for the past three years.  Each year that she goes she comes home on fire.  She feels such a renewed energy, and her testimony of the Gospel is strengthened, giving her the strength she needs to make good choices during another school year.  For the past two years Laney has come home and said that she wanted to be home-schooled.  I have always quickly dismissed her for the reasons I stated above.  I really thought that Laney was just afraid to deal with the trials that she would face in the school environment, and I felt confident that her fears were somewhat unfounded.  I knew that she would have the strength to make it through.  This year was different.  Laney is entering her junior year of high school.  She has succeeded in so many activities.  Last year she loved so many of the activities that she was involved in, and now she got the added bonus of having her BFF, her sister Savannah, there with her.  It was going to be a great year -- at least in my head.  Laney and Savannah went to EFY this year in Cincinnati, and when she was coming home she explained, once again, that she felt as if she wanted to be home-schooled.  Herman was driving the girls home, and he said that we needed to really talk with her about this because she felt strongly about it.  I agreed to hear her out once she got home.  It was the strangest thing, though.  As he talked to me on the phone I just got this feeling that this time the answer was supposed to be yes.  I'm sure that was just Heavenly Father's way of getting me ready for this big decision.  Laney got home, and we sat down to discuss this decision.  Laney said that she had had an experience while she was at EFY that led her to believe that this was the road she needed to take.  She said that she was talking with one of the teachers at the camp, and she was thinking about all of the great things she was going to be involved with in school this year.  Right in the midst of those thoughts, though, she got an overwhelming feeling that she was not supposed to go to school this year.  She really believed that she was being influenced by the Spirit to make that choice.

Well, now we had to make a decision.  For all their lives, we have taught our children over and over to be prayerful as they make decisions and to listen to the influence of the Spirit as they make those choices.  We have taught them that it is important to follow that influence, even when it might be difficult or even if it makes absolutely no sense.  We believe that it is maybe the most important life skill that we could possibly teach them while they are in our care.  It is more important than any lesson they could possibly learn at school.  As I listened to Laney explain her experience and her feelings about that prompting, I knew that it was most important that she learn the importance of following that prompting, even if it was an unconventional choice that she was making.  I just asked her to double-check and make sure that that was the answer that she was receiving.  She needed to determine if that was a real prompting or just her own personal desires.  So, she double-checked and got the same answer.  We decided to support her in this decision.  She is now old enough that her learning is mostly self-directed anyway.  She will be taking online accredited courses, so if she changes her mind, she can easily drop back in to school without it harming her at all.  This is actually a great semester to give it a try because we will be missing close to a month of school anyway while we head to China in October.  Actually, she may be able to take a lot more classes that normal because she will be able to work steadily through the classes faster as an independent learner than she would when studying with a class at school.  There is a possibility that she could just get her degree a year earlier (although I'm not really in any hurry for her to leave for college any faster).  Laney is planning to do some very interesting internships with our company as well as some volunteer opportunities around town.  We talked to her #1 choice for college, BYU, to see if it would hurt her chances for scholarships or acceptance, and they assured us that all would be well, especially with her high ACT scores.  So it should be fine.  It should.

So, why am I feeling a little bit of panic about this?  This is new territory for me.  I don't want to make a decision that will harm Laney's future.  I want to do what is best for her in the long run.  Today when we came to school to un-enroll her the marching band was playing their pieces for the season this year.  Our band program is so good, and Laney loved being a part of marching band last year.  Hearing them play today made my heart hurt.  I was sad that she was going to miss that part of school.  She might have been able to only come for that part of the day, but our trip to China comes right in the heart of the marching band season, so the band director and we decided that this semester it was best not to be involved.  (Tears. . . )  Then Laney talked to the students from National Honor Society who were there giving school tours to all the new enrollment students.  Laney was supposed to be part of that group, but her new status prevented her from doing that.  She has a gift for helping new students and mentoring freshman, and she will not be able to do any of that.  As I sat there I thought of all the things that she would be missing this year, and it made me sad.  High school can be full of a lot of anxiety and turmoil, but it is also a time full of rich memories.  I was just a little bummed out that Laney would be missing those memories.  But, really, it will be fine.  Laney will still have great memories.  They will just be a little different than typical memories.  I hope that she will still be able to stay in contact with some of her great friends at the school.  I guess she has facebook for that, so all is not lost.

When making decisions like this I think that it is natural to try to explain why we would be prompted to do such a thing.  I think that can be dangerous.  The truth is that we don't know.  It could be because Laney would have had a difficult time missing that much schooling because of our China trip.  It could be because she is meant to get through school earlier and start college next year.  It could be because she will have a special relationship with Minsy when she arrives, and Laney will be able to form a powerful bond with her while she works on her schooling from home.  It could be because of some sort of lesson that Laney needsto learn.  Who knows?  We sure don't.  But we do know that this is what is supposed to happen for her.  The rest of the Blau children will be attending school in the district next year, but Laney will not.  We are okay with this decision.  I feel a little sadness for Laney's lost potential for memories of high school, but I do not doubt that we are choosing correctly in this case.

Faith is an interesting thing because it is such a personal thing.  I cannot criticize another person's faith, and they should not criticize mine.  The understanding and faith that we have is determined by our own experiences, and it is hard to explain those decisions we make because of the faith we have in divine guidance.  It may make no logical sense, but that does not mean that it doesn't make sense.  I have learned that my life never goes entirely according to the plans that I make for it.  I only walk through this life trying to make the best choices I can as I feel inspired to make them.  I know that when I choose according to the promptings I receive I have never been led astray.  I have faith that Laney will be learning this very important truth also this year.  Here's to our new adventure!!!