I feel like I have this kind of crazed look on my face a lot now -- mixed with the emotional weepy tears that show up unannounced when I feel over stressed about the plans for this trip. We are down to the last stretch, and I don't feel ready at all. And yet, I don't really feel like I could do any more planning. It is a weird state where I just can't relax at all. I won't be able to relax until the plane finally takes off, and even then I'll get a whole new set of worries to stress me out. It'll be fine. I just need to get on the road.
The latest hurdle in our China trip planning has been locating our hotels in Beijing and Hong Kong. There has been a bit of drama here in the Blau house as we've tried to figure this out. Herman (and some of the kids) have the idea that it would be a great adventure to stay at a super cheap hotel -- we're talking like $20 a night cheap. Basically for that price you get a bed, and if you're lucky it'll be clean. Bathrooms are not modern and heating is optional. They want to treat this initial portion of the trip like its The Amazing Race and enjoy doing something that we would never do otherwise. I can see their thinking. I really can. Normally I might be a bit more excited to do this, but when this is added to an adoption trip it just ends up being too much for me. Last night as Herman waxed poetic about the joy of living low and having a great memory to share forever I just burst into tears as I thought of having to use a communal squatty potty every night as I listened to the sounds of all of my hotel neighbors through the paper-thin walls. I admit that I was probably reacting more to the stress of the planning than I was to the actual plans that were being made. Still, the thought of the unknown was weighing on me heavily. We decided to take a break and see what happened today. I keep thinking of my trip to New York City as I plan this trip because I was so super stressed out about the planning for that because I had never visited such a big city before, so I was scared to make a wrong decision as we planned. It ended up being a blast. Everything was an adventure, and we relished the experience. This trip should be the same for us. I'm sure of it. I just need to get there.
Today I had one experience that really eased my fears a bit. We have a guy who just moved to our ward who speaks fluent Mandarin Chinese, and he has spent lots of time living in China. He had so much experience to share with us, and as he answered my questions about my biggest fears I felt those fears just melt away. He suggested that we just get to China and spend a day just soaking up the atmosphere. He said that once we see how things run we'll feel more confident about stepping into the situation. Sounds like good advice, although we will probably throw ourselves into things pretty quickly. I'm just grateful that he is here in our area. I am planning on having him stop by once we bring Minsy home so that he can talk to her and see if he can find out as much information as possible about her life in China -- info about her foster family, her likes, dislikes, memories, etc. I want to make sure that we don't lose any of those memories because someday she will want to remember these things, and it will be too late to save them once her English becomes fluent. It is a blessing to have him in the area.
We finally got our Beijing hotel as well. The winner? The Days Inn by the Forbidden City. There just seems to be something wrong about staying at a Days Inn when we are in China (not exotic enough), but it was a compromise solution between Herman's need for adventure and my need for security (and Western toilets). It seems to be an older hotel with so-so service, but it is located right next to the Forbidden City, and that puts us near subways that can get us anywhere. It'll be good enough for our family, and it saves a significant amount of money on lodging, which makes Herman super happy. Having a place to stay eases a lot of my anxiety about the trip. Now my biggest concern is finding a way to get to the hotel from the airport. I'm hoping that we can figure out the best way to get to our hotel in a city that is unfamiliar to us. It'll happen. It'll be an adventure. I just want to get it done without losing any of the kids in the process. The hardest thing will be trying to maneuver around in the city when we arrive at 3:30 Beijing time. That is like 2:30 in the morning Missouri time. We'll be walking zombies. But we'll survive.
Finding a hotel in Hong Kong is a lot more difficult. Hong Kong hotels are significantly more expensive than those in Beijing. There are a lot of luxury hotels in the area, and we aren't really in the market for luxury hotels when we are traveling with seven kids. We have a few prospects, but we aren't quite ready to book the room. We'll check the hotels out again tomorrow.
So, with our hotels basically taken care of, now I just need to finalize our preparation here at home. I don't think that I will ever get that done. I would love to have the house totally spotless before we go, but it just isn't going to happen. My hope is that I can leave the house well enough so that we can return in a month without finding mold and rot climbing up the walls. I don't want to have to worry about cleaning anything when we return, so hopefully things can look manageable. On Friday Herman and I met with Emily, our super director of operations for several of our companies. She is going to keep our finances, mail, and banking accounts organized as we are gone. As we talked about turning over our information to her this week I just felt completely overwhelmed, thinking about how I needed to get our financial info organized enough to be okay for the month that we are gone. I'm planning on taking the next two days to make sure I have everything taken care of so that I don't need to worry about any bills or obligations while we are gone. At the worst case, Emily will have the ability to take care of things for us. That eases my mind.
The bags are basically packed with everything except for our clothing and last minute personal items. There is a mountain of luggage in my bedroom. It'll be quite a logistical undertaking to get all of this stuff transported, but we should be able to do it.
So . . . less than five days to go. We will be meeting Minsy two weeks from tomorrow. It just doesn't seem real to me. I just feel like it won't hit me until I look up and see Minsy walking through the door. I can't imagine how I will feel. I get this way right before my babies are born too. I try to imagine what this new little baby will be like, and I can never picture it. My imagination pales in comparison to the real experience. I imagine this adoption will be the same way. My hope is that Minsy will not be too scared. I hope that in her heart she can feel that we are meant to be her family. I don't know if it will happen immediately, but I hope it will happen soon. I just know that I have a strong conviction that this was meant to happen. Heavenly Father wants it to happen, so he'll find a way to make it work. I just need to rely on my faith a bit.
So now I'm off to try (unsuccessfully, I'm sure) to get a good night's sleep. I'm going to need it with my infinite to-do list to tackle tomorrow.
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