On Leaders Who Inspire

I am a terrible leader. I really am. And this is not just me being humble. I really am a horrible leader. There are lots of reasons for this. I am a terrible delegator. I used to be horrible at listening to others, but I have gotten way better at this as I have gotten older. I don't feel like I do much to inspire others to do their best. There aren't a lot of people out there who say, "Wow! I really want to be like Melissa!" ... especially not when I am serving in leadership roles. I have had a lot of opportunities to serve in leadership positions in my life. In high school I was my student body president, but I am completely convinced that the election for this was fixed and that the other guy actually won the popular vote. That's a story for another day, but, seriously, I should not have had that position. I feel like I really did a horrible job, but I did learn a lot, and for that I am grateful. In the Church I have served as a president in many organizations as well. From my first experience as president of Lambda Delta Sigma, the church sorority (another interesting story for another day of a strange road leading to that position) to my time serving as president in primary, young women, and Relief Society, all of these experiences have further strengthened my belief that I am not a natural leader. And, to be honest, I don't really enjoy it all that much. I work so much better when I can be in my little sphere, doing my thing, without needing to inspire others to serve alongside me. The one time I have been a leader where I felt successful was when I had the opportunity to serve as the stake Girls Camp director. Those experiences brought me a lot of joy, but I attribute all success to the great love that the Lord has for the young women. He loves them so much that he will create a successful experience for them, despite having a weak leader at the helm. I truly believe that.

Who's the leader here?
I'm going to say it is Senor Gray Kitty.

Having said that, I have spent a lot of time over the past few days really contemplating leadership in all aspects of life. Marching band this year has really been an experience for my children ... and not the experience that I want for them in an organization. I am going to say some things, but I want to be clear at the beginning that I am not really targeting Waynesville's music program or any particular individuals, students or teachers, as I make my remarks. I am simply thinking about the power to inspire and how sometimes inexperienced and ineffective leadership practices end up actually doing harm rather than doing the good that may be intended. So simply as a concrete illustration of my thoughts, here goes ...

Spencer LOVED band when he was in junior high. It always surprised me because in his younger years he was more of a sports guy, so I assumed he would go that route and not really emphasize band as much. But that was not the case. He loved playing the trombone so much that he practiced around three hours a day. That's a bit insane ... but admirable. He was driven to play because he loved to play. He didn't really care to be the best as much as he cared about playing his best. It was a joy to watch his enthusiasm for band.

And then this year happened.

I loved marching band in high school. To be honest, I'm not sure how our band ranked compared to other bands in the state. I remember thinking that we were amazing for such a small school, and I seem to remember us rocking the house whenever we hosted Band Day every year in our little home town. But I don't remember how we placed in any competitions. Ultimately, believe it or not, it doesn't really matter later on in life. The things you remember are the teamwork and the comaraderie fostered as you compete together. So, anyway, I loved marching band. My big wish (but not big enough to actually do anything about it) was to play my trumpet for the Phantom Regiment or the Santa Clara Vanguard drum corps.

I hoped that my children would have this same enthusiasm for marching band. Savannah marched for the first time last year, and she said that she loved being in marching band, but she didn't really enjoy marching, if that makes any sense. I think that she was saying that she loved the feeling of teamwork and accomplishment of putting together a show, but the process and procedures involved were not all that appealing to her. I can appreciate that attitude. She is more of a fan of concert band. There is nothing wrong with that. Just because you aren't as enthusiastic about moving around while you play an instrument doesn't make you less of a musician.

Well, this year things changed. Waynesville decided that they want to be the best. Is there anything wrong with that? No. That is a perfectly okay goal to make for your organization. With our business we want to be the best professional development consultants in the country. That drives us to do better, to change, to adapt as needed so that we can meet that goal. What ended up happening with the band, though, was an environment was created where for some of the students the joy of making music was destroyed, all under the guise of "expecting excellence." And, unfortunately, it seems as if Spencer is one of the casualties. It breaks my heart.

So how did this happen?

Spencer entered band camp this year and found an environment where a spirit of safety and comaraderie was not developed. Instead he was constantly berated for mistakes ... over and over and over again. No matter what he did, it was not good enough. Not only that, the fact that he was making mistakes was used to label him as uncaring and lazy. This was not something that was just limited to Spencer. I came by band camp several times during the summer, and no matter when I arrived I would hear someone on a megaphone yelling at the students for their ineffective marching techniques. Some things made sense. Others did not. Nevertheless, I found that both Savannah and Spencer came home every day really hating the experiences that they had that day. And they were not alone.

But the very worst part of the band experience this year has been the actions of many of the section leaders in the band who have taken on the roles of disciplinarians in the band. I understand the need for youth leadership within the band. I think that it is a great opportunity for them to learn how to be effective leaders. Unfortunately, what happens when you give this responsibility to young people is that they are thrown into leadership positions without any training. They see their teachers and alumni assistants "leading" by yelling out imperfections and berating comments, so they follow right along ... except they are young and inexperienced, and so they end up doing a lot more harm than good. Spencer has had the misfortune of working with a section leader who is not effective at all as a leader. She has decided that Spencer is a problem that needs to be fixed. However, instead of inspiring to do his best and helping him to have more confidence and enthusiasm, she uses her "leadership" platform to demean and berate and label him constantly. Spencer is strong, and he is fine with all of this. He isn't losing any natural self-confidence in the face of constant complaints from his "leader." But what he is losing is the joy that he felt in making music for the past few years. He isn't being inspired to be better. Instead he is losing the ability to care one way or another about band. These section leaders are hoping to create "the best band in Missouri", but instead many of them are having the opposite effect as they destroy the joy in music that drove many if not all of these students to sign up for high school band in the first place. And, really, is that what the ultimate goal in a high school music program should be?

Lately, the hip thing for these "leaders" to do is to go on facebook and write some rather long winded posts about the inadequacies of the band and especially to complain about the "attitudes" of those who are not living up to whatever magical expectations are being emphasized at the moment. I am sure that these well meaning youth are really just trying to "expect excellence" in their peers. I get it. I do. First of all, as an aside ... people do not change their behaviors based on facebook rants. It is my HUGE pet peeve when people use facebook as their own personal home for rants, whether it is because of politics, or the bad behavior of their baby daddies, or the lady at the store that made a stupid comment about the value of your life decisions. (That's what blogs are for, right? haha). Nobody changes because of these rants. Let's be honest, what these posts are for those who post them are our little cry out to the world, hoping for validation for our views. We may not expect the world to change. What we hope is that there will be lots of people out there who send us an "Amen, Sister" or a "You're Awesome" comment to make us feel okay about who we are and what we think. But I digress. These youth who are attempting to inspire absolutely do not understand principles of leadership. You don't lead people by belittling or berating them. You lead people by inspiring them to be better than they are. It is completely possible to help others to be the best band in the state without negativity. "Expecting excellence" can be done through positive inspiration.

An excellent chart to show qualities a leader
should develop

So last night I went to the high school football game to see the band play. After hearing Spencer talk about the constant griping he has heard from his leader I was curious to see exactly how he performed. I was watching to see if he was playing. I was watching to see how often he was out of alignment. I was watching to see how his form compared to those around him. I wanted to see what the big deal was. So I watched him like a hawk. And I thought he did good. I'm not talking like a proud (and blind) parent here. I am talking like a lady who spent eight minutes examining one guy in the band, looking for every flaw I could find. He didn't do perfectly, but neither did anyone else in the band. He did do well enough that he did not stand out from any other marcher, and that's a good thing. But apparently as soon as they left the field Spencer got a good fifteen minute lecture about his performance. Not cool.

But really, it's okay. This has sort of ended up being a bit of my own little rant about Spencer's experience, but really things will be fine. The only real damage has come to Spencer's music enjoyment. Some misguided and misinformed students might say "good riddance ... if you don't care, don't come." Unfortunately, that is a immature and uninformed attitude. The truth is that he could have been a huge asset to this program. He has good work ethic and good musical skills. He could give marching band all of the attention and enthusiasm he had for band last year. Now, unless things change drastically in the next few weeks, the band will not reap the benefits of this. It has been squashed.

Although Spencer's band experience prompted this post, what really got me thinking about leadership and the responsibility to inspire those we lead was listening to how many in society model "leadership" behavior to our youth. Politics has become a blood sport these days. Leaders are often praised when they use their positions to mock and belittle those who believe differently or those who don't act as they would hope. The language of politics and those of us in society has become coarse and hateful. People who I think of as relatively religious people have no problem posting hateful things on facebook about others. I guess they think that when someone is a politician we have some sort of right to disregard all that is taught about kindness and civility as we discuss them. It is possible to express political discontent without being a hateful angry snit. Unfortunately we are accustomed to watching politicians and political talk show hosts who make their fortunes in fanning hatred and anger. Explosive dialogue is rewarded. Calm discussion of disagreements is seen as weakness.

As I sat at the football game yesterday I heard parents berating high school students for their performance. Let's be honest, the Waynesville football team is not very good this year. So many mistakes every single game. But, these are still young boys. Look, if this was a professional team where I had paid a hundred dollars a ticket to see men play who are being paid hundreds of thousands of dollars to play football I think that I might have some right to complain about how a guy is playing. But these are just high school boys. Some are naturally talented. Some are hard workers. Some are doing the best they can with the few skills they have. It saddens me to hear some parents sit in the stands vocally criticize youth as they play ... especially when the parents of those youth may be sitting in the immediate area to hear them belittled.

I then had the opportunity to go to a training meeting at the church where we spent a bit of time talking about how to deal with youth who are not supportive in our classes. These are youth who act out in various ways to create bad environments for everyone as we are attempting to teach the gospel of Jesus Christ each day. One of the comments really hit me. Someone talked about how our youth often see their own parents complaining constantly about teachers and leaders in the church. They may believe that they have good reasons for their complaints, but they handle their discontent by going from group to group and griping about those volunteers who are not living up to whatever expectation they have. We talked about the need for our youth to learn how to deal with classroom situations that are not ideal due to the actions of another in class. We need to teach them positive ways to encourage positive environments. What can they do to support teachers and leaders AND each other? Society would tell them to solve these problems by griping and complaining to anyone who would listen. The Lord requires us to be better than this.

It made me think of the importance of understanding good leadership skills. To lead is not to belittle. To lead is to inspire. I have spent this afternoon thinking about the Savior and His example to us. If anyone had good reason to freak out at people for boneheaded decisions or lack of enthusiasm for His message, it would be Him, don't you think? And yet he taught people from where they were. He taught them of their divine potential and encouraged them to be better each day. And when they failed? He came back the next day and taught again. He taught His message over and over and over again. Ultimately there were many who rejected it, rejected Him. There are many today who do the same. BUT HE DOES NOT WRITE US OFF. He does not use passive aggressive behavior to move us to change. He is direct, but just as importantly, He is personal. He KNOWS us. He knows what inspires us. He knows what scares us. He knows exactly how to help us reach that potential. And He does it all with LOVE. What I adore about this Gospel is that it is a gospel of a loving Father. We are inspired to be good, not because we fear God, but because we love Him. Love beats fear as a motivating factor every single time.

I am grateful for those in the lives of my children who are great leaders, both in and out of the Church. I am grateful for those who push my children to reach beyond what they think is possible in order to achieve some measure of greatness. These actual LEADERS are the people who will shape my children in ways that will be eternal. They love my children. They know my children. They inspire. Their efforts will be those that, at the end of time, will be things that bring tears of gratitude to my eyes. They are the ladders that give my children the opportunity to reach higher every single day.

It seems wrong to end this post with a quote from John Quincy Adams about leadership. He wasn't the most effective leader in history. Still, the sentiment is good, so here you go ...