I'm Officially a Mess

This was taken on the first day of school in 2004. Laney was in 5th grade, Savannah in 3rd, and Spencer in 1st.
Katie was just a wannabe. I LOVE this picture!

It's the day after Memorial Day. My head and my heart tell me that it is summer vacation, but the school district says that we have a day and a half of school left this year. I know other schools in the country go longer into the summer, but it feels unnatural to me. Still, my plan was to take advantage of this last full day with no school kids at home to get some serious cleaning and organization done. Elder Southward, our area Seventy is coming to hang out at our house on Saturday morning, and even though I know he will not be judging us at all I am FREAKING out. I can see every single speck of dirt and stain, and I am determined to conquer the chaos before he arrives.

After a quick breakfast I jumped up, ready to attack the day and win when I wandered into the computer area where Minsy was sitting and watching the last few minutes of High School Musical when this song came on:

'
...and I fell apart.

I just started bawling and bawling and bawling. Minsy looked up at me to say, "Mom, sad?" I'm sure she was completely confused as to why seeing Troy and Gabriella singing about how their school was "All in This Together" could be so heartbreaking.

I just remembered attending the East Elementary talent show when Laney was in 5th grade. Elementary talent shows are so fun. They can be a mixture of cringe worthy attempts with surprising talents, but either way, they are adorable. Laney told us that she was doing a dance routine with a couple of friends, but I had never seen it. I was excited to see this hidden talent of my child, so I sat out in the audience with Herman to watch the show. At the time we did not have cable or satellite at all, so we didn't watch the Disney channel. I had no idea what High School Musical was, and even when Laney told us the song she would be dancing to I had no clue what it was. We watched several acts before Laney's group came on as the concluding act. They announced her and her two friends, and they received polite applause like every other performer had.

And then the opening notes to "We're All in This Together" began. The entire audience erupted in this gigantic scream. I had never seen anything like it. I had no idea what was going on, but as Laney and her friends danced, the whole audience sang and danced with them. It was amazing and so, so fun to watch. I had no clue how popular that little TV musical was at the time and still is in some ways. Now, every time I hear that song I think of Laney and her friends dancing on stage while her school danced and sang along. It gives me warm fuzzy feelings inside. I have this great picture of their performance, but it was a victim of the Great and Unfortunate Computer Crash of 2006 that lost nine months of digital memories for our family. Luckily some of the pics made it onto a family video montage, so we can see it. It just isn't something I can attach to the blog. Oh well.

Anyway, as I watched this little scene today I couldn't help thinking about how quickly time flies. I really, really missed Laney at that moment and wished that she were here. That moment seems like only yesterday in so many ways, and yet Laney is grown up and gone, serving a mission in Chile until June 2015. Savannah is entering her senior year of high school next year. For the first time in 15 years we will not have a child at East Elementary. I can see why people compare the passing of time to the sands of an hourglass because I can sense it falling away from me with no way to stop it. My babies aren't babies any more. I know that there are still wonderful new memories to experience at this new stage of our lives, and I'm not really moaning and complaining that my life is over or anything so dramatic. I guess I just mourned just a tiny bit today for the life we had when all the kids were so little. Looking back I think that I was too concerned about the things that didn't really matter all that much and didn't take enough time to really enjoy and take in the things that do matter. But I am so, so happy that as I look back to the past and reflect on those little moments I can see so much happiness and joy in them. Life has not been perfect for our family, but it has been marvelously wonderful. It is sweet joy to see our children growing up to be kind and good and enthusiastic. I am so grateful to be a mom, even if it does lead me to irrational crying jags in the middle of cheesy Disney movies once in a while.

This was actually taken at East in Spring 2004, and I found it while looking for the
picture at the beginning. This was when Herman was a principal at East with the three oldest Blau kids.
I kind of miss him being a principal in some ways. Anyway, I liked this picture, so I had to throw it on here.