I'm Bad at This Mothering-A-College-Student Thing

Laney has been gone over a week now, and I'm still not used to it. Maybe I never will be. Surely I will, though. I have to get used to it eventually, right?

When Laney first arrived she called us every day ... sometimes several times a day. It felt a lot like when she was at EFY. She would have an amazing day and then call us and tell us all about it that evening. It wasn't so bad. I could get used to life like that. Laney would have her freedom and the opportunity to live life on her own, but we would still be super involved all the time. 

But then classes began on Monday.

With classes came more responsibilities for Laney and less free time. She was also getting the chance to meet more and more people, so it seemed like her free time was occupied with plans to see other people. That's not a bad thing. That's exactly what is supposed to happen. I know that. I do. Still, with the new rigorous daily schedule Laney did not have extra time to call us. And I was slowly starting to die inside.

I would find myself checking my facebook feed almost ten times an hour, hoping that Laney would make some update to her status or post a picture or even just have someone else tag her in a picture. I wanted to know what was going on in her life. She was busy in high school, but I knew where she was every minute of the day. When she got home each day we debriefed and learned what went well in the day and what didn't go so well. Suddenly that wasn't happening any more. I didn't realize how much I appreciated those daily debriefings until they were no longer a part of my day.

Last night I sat by my phone half the evening, wanting desperately to call Laney. But yesterday was September 18th. Why does that matter? Well, apparently this is a pretty important holiday in Chile, and while they celebrate in Chile by occasionally storming the castles and rioting, in the US people from Chile and missionaries who served there like to get together and fiesta. Laney met a guy in her Book of Mormon class who served his mission in Chile, and he invited her to go to one of these fiestas. An excellent chance for her to start to learn this language and a bit of the culture. I knew she was going to this event at some point in the day, but I wasn't quite sure when that would be. I didn't want to make Laney seem too lame by having her mom call her during the get-together. I was so excited to hear how it went, though. I was hoping that she would call. 

But nothing.

I am not complaining about Laney's lack of phone calls. Not at all. This is normal. She probably calls us more than the average college freshman does. This has more to do with my inability to relax and let her live her life independently. It's killing me. I just want to know EVERYTHING. Everything. 

But that would not be kosher.

In the parent meeting that was held the weekend before classes, the president of BYU-Idaho talked to us and encouraged us not to be helicopter parents, constantly hovering around our children, refusing to let them live their lives independently. I heard him. I did. I do not want to be that parent who refuses to let go. It isn't healthy for me or for my kids. I have to learn to let go. But, my oh my, it is a hard thing. How can I relax when one of my babies is half-way across the country, doing who-knows-what? It seems unnatural that someone who was so much a part of our daily life, here for everything we experienced, is now not a part of that daily life. 

One thing that does bring me some solace -- at that same parent meeting, President Clark advised against being "snow plow" parents as well. These are parents who go before their children, clearing the path of any obstacles, attempting to prevent their children from ever having to face difficulties as they head off on their own. I know that I am not one of these parents. Hooray for that! Laney has proven to be pretty good at handling those obstacles all on her own.

I am sure that by the end of this semester I will be much better at this. I hope so, because at that point we will be saying goodbye to her as she heads on her mission to Chile. Then she will not be able to talk to us on the phone at all most of the time. We'll have to content ourselves with weekly emails and letters. So I'll work on things. I'll get myself together soon enough. I'm just eternally grateful that she is such a good girl and is making good choices in her life. It would be much harder to have her away from home if she was off making horrible decisions.

This parenting thing can be sort of hard, you know? But each sort of hard changes as they grow and enter new stages in life. And the great blessing of parenting is what I call the "nevertheless" moments. Things might be difficult at times ... NEVERTHELESS the joy and happiness that come to us as we parent these wonderful children outweigh any of the difficulty. I know things were hard when Laney was a baby, but I can hardly remember those difficult times. All I remember is the good. Tender mercies. Tender, tender mercies. I expect the same with this new phase in parenting.

If only I could keep myself from checking my facebook statuses or the messages on my phone every minute I might live through this.